Battlestar Galactica

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The Girl Who Fell To Earth

"Oh, that never occurred to me," Laura says, falling into her intellectual mode, wondering about destinies and grace and the future and shit, leaving Caprica behind, forgetting the entire point of this meeting -- reconnecting with her and gaining an ally against Ellen -- because once again Laura's being handed half-assed glimpses of the future. "Are you saying that this ch..." she starts, and cuts herself off, because there's got to be a less-rude way to say it. Caprica, eyes wide with just how bitchy Laura can be when she's forgotten that she's speaking to a person, asks her what on earth she might mean. Six, man I love Sixes. They are like Heinlein's ultimate Competent Man that can change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, all that stuff, but ... crossed with Martha Stewart. Like, nobody is as classy or polite as a Six, even when they're stealing your ovaries or gunning you down in a boardroom massacre, or when you're beating the hell out of them and leaving them in the brig for months on end. Six will always give you the option of not being a dick about it.

"Is this child... important?" Laura whispers, wondering if Caprica's getting other messages or something, and Caprica completely shuts down, grossed out on like five levels: "Yes, I think he's very important?" Like it's hard enough not to pretend to be a living, breathing person without some old white lady asking shitty questions. Laura immediately feels bad -- this whole scene is so Flannery O'Connor, isn't it? -- and tries to backtrack, but Caprica has had it with you bitches. "He's my baby? And I love him? He's very important to me?" Laura jumps back about sixteen feet and mumbles how of course all babies are important, but can't help herself from jacking a little bit of "but seriously, is he magic?" on top of her apology, and Caprica is done. "Mm. Well, thank you for asking about him." Laura's whole mind now blown, she can only offer a weak, embarrassed, "You're welcome..."

There's a guy playing the piano at Joe's Bar, and nearby there's a supercutie who should be playing it, and Kara randomly asks the bartender when they got a piano. (Get over there and play some Philip Glass like Daddy would, girl. Because speaking of the Competent Man, don't you miss the days when Starbuck could do everything better than anybody else, ever? Obviously the only reason she hasn't had as many jobs as Helo -- though she's admittedly come close -- is her horrible personality.) Chief walks up to the bar demanding gin, and Kara's lonely and tired of watching her husband vegetate, so she strikes up a conversation about how wiggy it was watching Ellen and Tigh making out on the Raptor wing. "It's like watching my parents make out!" Imagine Eric Stoltz, whom I've decided is Kara's dad, laying one down on Naomi from Mama's Family and you will see how close we came to true terror.

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Battlestar Galactica

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