The teaser, which is seventy years long, ends on another shot of Raiders. Lots and lots of Raiders. And you and I both know where they're headed. There are the credits (47,853 souls in the fleet), and then a commercial for the Sci Fi Original Movie Dracula 3000: Because Even In The Year 3000, Black People Are Still Scary. I hate it on principle. Several principles, in fact: first of all, because it's a Sci Fi movie, and the only good one of those is Faust: Love Of The Damned, which is the most awesomely crappy movie in the entire universe, and secondly because I blame everything Sci Fi produces for Farscape ending. ["Oh, Jesus, you're one of those. And you obviously haven't seen Hawk the Slayer" -- Strega] ["Yes, I'm one of those, and now you know my shameful secret." -- Jacob] It's why I didn't get into this very show until the actual series started -- too bitter -- so I had to go back and watch the mini after the first season was over. Which, you can imagine what that was like, and somehow Sci Fi is to blame for that too. Mostly, though, like I'm so sure that Blacula, in the year 3000 no less, still talks like CJ from GTA: San Andreas. Okay? (P.S. -- Please don't tell the American Idol people about any of this, because they think I'm some kind of discotheque mall-hopping Valley Girl or something and they must not know I'm a total dork.)
We open on the Hated Rock-Em Sock-Em Big Head Raider, which I would love to never see again, actually, and then it's back to CIC. Dualla is, of course, fine, having just been exploded, but we've established her and Kara as Adama's pseudo-daughters, so Adama overreacts and tells her to stay down and wait for Dr. Cottle. Tigh, clearly having no pseudo-parental compunctions, immediately sends Gaeta to the exploding board, as Dualla continues to protest that she's fine. Gaeta explains to them that there's been a power surge (duh), and that the "system's been twitchy" since the Cylons infiltrated the network, which was, of course, Tigh's fault, remember, so -- as Adama points out that exploding machinery constitutes a threat level a bit high than glitch -- Tigh once more performs his seminal pop hit "Oops (I'm Ricky Gervais)," all blustery and ignorant and wanting to seem in control of every little thing. I would like at this point to express my love and regret for whoever on the writing staff had to grow up inside The Great Santini, because impotent alcoholics are no fun to be around when you're a kid: "I don't care if you have to go through this program line by line, fix it!" I hate that so much, but I'm glad it got a few more people in the house yelling at Tigh, because normally it's just me. That is just blatantly showing your ass and your ignorance and so, so typical of Tigh. The network has like a googol of code, Mr. XO, but of course you don't know that, because you're not the computer guy. (You know who is? Gaeta.) It's not in your skill set. But hey, if you ever figure out what the hell actually is, I'm sure you'll be really stunning at whatever it is. I guess in addition to having octagon newspapers, this particular space society also lacks the ASVAB Inventory of Skills. Gaeta then basically says everything I just said, only he screams it. Even Gaetas get sleepy and overworked. Of course, Tigh can't even say a word; he just looks mutely at Adama like always to save his ass, and Adama tells Gaeta to chill out.