Battlestar Galactica
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Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 4 USERS: C
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Speaking Truth To Power

Up in Adama's office, Bulldog is eating noodles faster than Lee, even. Adama's like, "I appreciate the noodle love, and your POW status, but could you tell me what happened?" Bulldog becomes awesome, and ever so Original Girl Starbuck: "Well sir, it's like this. The enemy had me locked in a cell for three years. The accommodations were lousy, the service was slow, and after a while, I felt the institution no longer had anything to offer me. So I left." Seriously, that's all it took, I was like, "Bulldog is awesome! Please do not give him a fake daughter!" Adama then gives a sigh of profane relief: "Thought maybe the Cylons had beaten the bullshit attitude out of you." (Sometimes silent-bleeped, sometimes no. I say the more graphic depictions of sex and violence and words like "shit" we get on cable TV, the sooner we stop beating savage American drums around the taboo fetish God of Ignoring the Actual, and admit what we, as adults, already know to be true in reality. The kind of people who would phone their congressman at the word "shit" or having Gaeta mack on a dude don't deserve to watch this show anyway.) Bulldog laughs, and Adama cracks a smile, but then takes a stiff drink and asks again: "How'd you get out?" Bulldog starts shaking and quaking and sweating, saying that all the Cylons had a virus. Which, um, they didn't. And I like how right away that starts to fall apart. "I heard them say it was spreading, getting worse. But eventually I realize...I'm not catching it. I'm immune." So he was smart and patient and waited. But why isn't he helping the tortoise?

Bulldog's doing pushups; Three clangs a prod against the bars. The camera moves mighty strangely, like a miscopied document. Three chuckles and needles Bulldog about why he's exercising all the time: "Are you trying to stave off getting old? Doesn't seem such a tragedy to me. Given the alternatives." She sniffs, and we see her, and she is WAY fracked-up and sick-looking, clanging the prod along the bars. Of Bulldog's cage. When in doubt, and you've got a cage or a shock collar to spare, why not shove a black guy or Korean chick inside? Makes the point, not that anybody's listening. "You know what I'm saying?" says Three. "Do I look that bad?" She really, really does. She's like if you gave Sarah Connor 1991 some like serious Hep C. She looks like that lady that lives in the mountains in Japan. Three: "You know what I think? I think you're afraid." No she didn't! Bulldog stands up quickly and punches her in the nose through the bar; she screams and falls down, dead, face all nasty and hematomeriffic. No he didn't!

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Battlestar Galactica

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