Battlestar Galactica

Episode Report Card
Strega: B- | 1 USERS: A+
True Chromance

Starbuck and Helo run through the woods to a building. Seriously, where the hell are they? Starbuck shouts, "I'll flank," which the captions report as, "I'll flake." Which is funnier. Helo replies, "I'll draw fire," and then creates a trompe l'oeil image of a fireball on the side of the building, which scares away their pursuers. Or perhaps he meant the other thing. There's a lot of ducking around corners and firing through windows and jumping through doorways, and this would be more interesting if they were in spaceships. Eventually, Helo climbs up to the top floor of the mysterious utility shed or elaborate tree house or whatever this is, and fires down at stuff we can't see. And then he turns around, and Anders is right behind him, holding his rifle. This battle scene bugged me because it's impossible to know what's going on. Moore's sort of apologetic about how hard it is to do a battle scene like this on a TV schedule, but really, I just want a couple of establishing shots to tell me what they're doing, because as it is I have no clue if Helo and Starbuck are incompetent, or Anders is awfully good, or anything. It bugs me. It seems like Helo and Starbuck probably suck for failing to secure the building. So, Helo and Anders stare at each other over their guns. Then Starbuck says, "Hi," and she's standing behind Anders with her guns ready. Then Anders pulls out a second gun and turns so that he has one gun pointed at each of them. And then Helo takes out Anders while Anders has his back turned. Oh wait, no. Idiot. But then Helo draws another gun, to aim it at one of Anders's sidekicks, who pops into view. Then more sidekicks appear. It gets a little silly. Then everyone stares at each other for a while.

Commercials. Heh, Moore admits that it's a bit of a cheat that nobody fires at the end of that scene, which makes me feel better. And the idea that they're a bunch of professional athletes came up as an absurd idea that they kind of liked because it was more interesting than having another group of soldiers in the mix. And in theory, I can see that. I'm just not convinced that it'll be interesting to me. If it was a cricket team, I'm sure Mugga would be sold.

When we return, Starbuck opens the SALT talks by declaring, "We're not Cylons." Anders is a tad skeptical, and sniffs, "You have a soul. You swim in the stream. We heard it all before." Aw, they had their own Leoben. Helo points out that they're wearing Colonial uniforms. Anders, quite rightly, doesn't think that proves much. Eventually, Starbuck asks for names, and Anders introduces himself. Helo rather knowingly says, "Samuel T. Anders?" Verily, it is he. Helo quickly identifies the rest of the merry band: "This is Jo-Man, Rally, Ten-Point. Sue-Shaun, Crip-Key, Morris Fink." Oh my lord. These people are all doomed with names like that. Except maybe Morris. Although "Fink" doesn't bode well, either. Anyway, they're the Caprica Buccaneers. Arrr. It's Starbuck's turn to be skeptical, and the sidekick behind Starbuck says, "Give me a ball, little girl. I'll shove it up your ass." Which I only mention because I really enjoy Starbuck's expression as she replies, "Please, try." Cue the exposition, while they all go on pointing guns at each other. Basically, the Buccaneers are a professional pyramid team who were training in the mountains when C-Day came. Starbuck demands proof of their identity, in the form of sports trivia. This takes a while and bores me. Once that's taken care of, everyone finally agrees to lower their guns. I think they were just looking for an excuse, because their arms were getting tired. Starbuck smirkily busts their chops for being a sucky team, which I mention for those who had complaints about an upcoming scene. Then Anders quips, and finally the scene ends. Phew.

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Battlestar Galactica




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