Battlestar Galactica

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | 2 USERS: B+
Hi, Billy...

In a lounge on Cloud 9, Dualla is looking smokin' hot as she's telling the story to Lee, who is looking smokin' hot. The really, really awesome thing about a show about the military is that when they wear normal people clothes and have hair, it's like they're walking around naked or something, or like how a normal person looks ten times better in a uniform. The opposite of that. Dualla: "He pulled out that ring...and it was like an electric shock. I could barely say anything." There's a tiny, tiny creepy little smile, like maybe Billy's a total joke, as Lee replies, "Well, maybe you're regretting that you didn't say yes." Dee is cool about it, though, very like, "No, that is not the deal, but it is a very sad story I am telling you, and we should feel bad for him." As Apollo creepily masturbates his beverage, Dee confides, "I don't know what to make of me and Billy, but...I know I can't marry him. Then again, I don't know what to make of you and me either." Um, nobody does? Because this whole season makes no sense? Why are they on Cloud 9? Have they both been there for two days together, and this is like them taking a break? Or did they just run into each other? Are they dating? Sleeping together? Are they still in that phase of telling each other embarrassing stories about their significantly other significant others? Because, dude: I want to see Lee try to explain the painful incest. Or really, just talk about it, period. Who are these people? Are we going to find out some made-up fact next week that changes this whole scene around, only not on purpose? Unreliable narration is a stylistic choice, not the fucking collateral damage to a production faux pas. Dualla gets flirty back, and Lee plays with the fruit in his drink, and I kind of feel like maybe I was wrong and they're actually less attractive than ever before: it's not that she's a player, and I get why they're into each other, and I don't think they're doing anything wrong, it's just this scene, they both seem to think Billy is a puppy, and not a man. Which kind of makes them assholes, even if he did just pull a total Charlie Brown with the whole proposal in the first place. But either way, if the performers want sympathy for this relationship, they could stand to make some less bizarre choices here. They do know what happens at the end of the script, yes?

Ellen Tigh! Enters, looking hot as hell! Wearing what I think we can all agree is a magical nanotechnological necklace. She really does look very, very pretty. I like that they let her be pretty in this episode, instead of giving her the barfly nooks and crannies and creepiness. Now apparently -- and this was deleted, so it doesn't count -- Ellen goes trawling for sex on Cloud 9 constantly (which is awesome, because if that's why we never see her, she's got magic sex powers or something -- maybe it's the necklace -- no matter what, though, every episode in which she does not appear, moving forward and retroactively, I am going to assume that she is having some kind of neverending Studio 54 orgy over on Cloud 9, which is in all seriousness the most sensible response to the Apocalypse possible), and Saul Tigh is...okay with this. He loves her and they have this marriage that works for them, and she's got nothing better to do, and he understands that that is how she is, and he can handle it, so he just keeps the Rid handy and drinks himself to sleep every night. And granted, we could have put that together based on what we've seen, but dude, if I had seen that shit going down, or if it was shown as an actual open thing with them, I would have responded very differently to Saul Tigh in the first place. Because that is awful, awful, awful. Dana Delany bumps into Ellen acting pretty weird and sketchy, but like, Ellen invented "weird and sketchy," so she just excuses herself and makes her way to the bar as Sesha locks eyes with her thugs. There are three of them, and they all have names, but once again, they all look the same to me, so I'll try to keep them straight. Sesha does this awesome head-jerking tic thing in this scene. We pan on her standing, legs apart, gun clearly visible in her pants waist, her face full of anger and deep sadness, the eyes completely blank. She is going to mix it up, I think. I also think she is dead meat. The price of being Joan of Arc is getting burned. The price of articulating the Fleet's rage is that you become a sacrifice yourself.

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Battlestar Galactica




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