If I should cast off this tattered coat,
And go free into the mighty sky;
If I should find nothing there
But a vast blue,
Echoless, ignorant --
SHOULD THE WIDE WORLD ROLL AWAY
God fashioned the ship of the world carefully.
Adama drinks a barrel of scotch while Tigh reports to him about the Raptors, which are still showing up empty-handed. Bill takes the opportunity to not talk about Laura or around Laura or do anything Laura-related for like one second so he can bring up this interesting new couple of facts that he just learned, which is that Tigh is A) fucking Caprica Six and B) has knocked her right the hell up.
I stood upon a high place,
And saw, below, many devils
and carousing in sin.
One looked up, grinning,
And said, "Comrade! Brother!"
Saul, his eye glinting about sixteen different kinds of freaked out by this conversation, protests a bunch of different ways. Bill's like, "I would be better able to understand if you were turning off the cameras and waterboarding her, but toasterfrakking is strictly for younger men."
What he means is, "I have just endangered the Fleet, four Raptors, the future of humanity, and my own dignity because I have lost all judgment, because I am in love. Because I put my heart above my duty, knowingly, and I cannot fucking wait for the opportunity to do it again, because my heart has claws and it's climbing in my chest like a cat in a box every second she is gone. What kind of a man does that, tosses the rulebook out the window, puts his family in jeopardy, for a woman? What kind of man would possibly do that? I'm the Admiral. I don't build cabins, I watch other people build cabins but I don't build cabins and I don't move into them. My lover is gone, and I never even touched her."
But that's the only secret Saul ever told her, isn't it? Whom the old man loves, besides Saul himself. "Who was interrogating whom? How many of our secrets have you told this thing?" Saul shakes, insulted, poked in the bruise: "How can you even ask me that? Question my loyalty?"
What he means is, "I would never collaborate with the enemy, not for sex and not for love. For love I killed my wife, and for nothing, I killed my wife. I cannot collaborate with the enemy because I am the enemy, and it crawls in my chest. I have a snake in my heart, and one day it will attack, and you will be left dead at my feet. It rattles all the time, singing danger, danger. Danger in the garden. My life and my pain are put aside so that I can be worthy of your shadow, and I hold my darkness and that of my brothers and sister in the balance every second of the day, because I don't know what I am. I am a cat in a box, howling all the time, and you have the balls to question my loyalty? When it's taking strips off my back every day, you question that."