The cliffhanger ends with Starbuck handing her gun over to the President to prove she's herself. All it does is prove to Roslin, who's got mortality on the brain lately, that Kara's being prodigal with her life because she's got spares. So she shoots at her! But misses, thanks either to her chemo, innate goodness, or the machinations of one or more supernatural forces. Knowing this show, it's all of the above.
Sadly, the missed shot shatters the Admiral's portrait of himself with Laura, presaging a pretty intense showdown between them once Kara's back in the brig. In Adama's quarters, they filibuster nastily about each other for ten hours or so, and of course are totally right, to the point that Bill becomes an alcoholic and Laura's hair starts falling out.
Lee visits Kara in her cell and they talk about nothing, but then make out, and he tells her he believes her. Then he gets a surprise going-away party/slow clap from the entire military, including Dualla, who's like, "You ruined my life, on purpose! Here's a hug." Then he goes off to be the new Quorum member for I think Sagittaron, which is kind of sickening if you think about it.
On the Basestar, a new Six named Natalie goes totally Hermione Granger about the Raiders, whom Cavil has decided to lobotomize after their encounter with Anders. There's a split vote between the Sixes, Eights, and Twos (Leoben) -- who note the irony of treating the Raiders like dumb machines -- and the Fours (Simon), Ones (Cavil), and Fives (Doral) -- who are jerks. The heartbreaking tiebreaker? Poor old Boomer, who knows a little bit about desperately wanting to just be a lobotomized machine that doesn't think or feel or hurt or remember. She makes more Cylon history by dissenting from the other Eights, but I'm sure nothing horrible will happen there. Boomer usually has such an easy time.
Luckily, realizing the futility of the parliamentary system when dealing with an atheocratic zealot like Cavil, Natalie retaliates. I feel like I'll be saying that a lot. This time, the nataliation lies in giving sentience to the Centurions, who take out the Ones, Fours and Fives (that we can see, and possibly all of them) in a big old bloody Michael Corleone blowout. It's awesome.
Bill visits Kara and yells at her for pissing off the President, but Kara calls him out for acting like Laura's girlfriend, so he chokes her and leaves her in jail. Later, he reconsiders and sets Kara up with a literal garbage scow and skeleton crew so she can go find Earth. Because he believes her and all, but Laura Roslin is scary as balls right now, and you can't really blame him for doing this on the DL.
Best part: Gaius meets Chip Gaius (who specifies that he's "separate" from Six, but we'll see) for the first time, and as you can imagine, they fall in complete and total gay love immediately.
Another part: coincidentally, just as the words "written by Michael Angeli" cross the screen, Tigh orders Tory to prostitute herself to Gaius on the off chance that he knows anything about the Final Final. He doesn't, of course, but she lets him screw the polytheism out of her anyway, and cries the whole time, but apologizes for it, because apparently some women just cry during sex, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything's the matter, so you should probably lecture them on religion. While they're crying. While you're fucking them.
THE FIRST BANG
(In which Mommy and her Cancer once again show disinterest in Kara's Bullshit, a Toaster helps a Toasterfrakker and a Hot Marine, and the Admiral has a Tiny Crisis.)
Picking up once again from the cliffhanger, XO Tigh and CAG Helo are leading a Marine squad (starring Gunny Matthias!) through the ship. Not sure how they know where she is, but apparently everybody knows where she is. I have this image of Bill trying to keep it secret and just accidentally letting it slip with everybody -- including possible Cylon infiltrator Starbuck -- exactly where Laura's hot Presidential ass is riding out chemo. Go on, twist his arm.
Any case, Tigh is interested as ever in making as much drama as possible about Kara's unknown status, not that I blame him, because either she's a Cylon -- in which case his ass is covered -- or she's Kara Thrace -- in which case there's a total probability that she's doing something highly fucked up no matter what time of day it is.
"Look alive! And for frak's sake, don't shoot the Godsdamned President!" On principle, and out of loyalty, I agree. Helo tells him to shut up and let him talk to Kara, but Tigh's all, "You talk your ass up a storm, but it ends with the first bang."
Over the PA, Tigh tells the Gods and everybody about how Kara's got the Prez by the thinning locks, and Adama bounces from the bridge, giving Gaeta what he calls the "comm," which I think he thinks is what you call the navigational "con." I love him.
Laura stares at Kara, scared, and Kara sees something that might be mostly Laura, but isn't just Laura. This isn't the first time, as my friend Karen pointed out, Kara's come home to a mommy in treatment, who doesn't want to hear it and...well, listen to her: "I want to hate you so much. So much... You had a vision. Remember? ... I trusted you. On a vision. That's it. A vision." Breaks my heart. And as the squad comes closer, and Kara falls apart right in front of her, let's take a moment. Not a long moment, but a moment.
That moment when you can't take it anymore, when all your doors are locked in front of you and they stick you in a room and tell you that choices aren't something you're going to be having, that's a river running through this episode like blood. Laura, Caprica, Boomer, Athena, and now Kara have all spent time -- in that very brig -- for following the voice of the Gods, or God, or programming, speaking in their hearts. Running through their souls, like blood. And once the war secedes is when we can start looking at the differences between us, here, on our side of the line. Whatever it is. That's when we have to look at, for example, how far our rights have slipped; how much of our world we were missing before the war.