Kara and Lee get busy, but Kara of all people doesn't want to get divorced because it's sacrilege. Meanwhile, Chief goes all Three on the Planet Algae and heads toward the Mysterious Temple of Five, which contains the Eye of the Thing of The Jupiter of the Way to Earth. Just then the Cylons show up, and Three and Cavil -- with Boomer and Gaius for extra variety and awfulness/hilarity -- have a lovely meeting with the Galactica to discuss how Bill's willing to blow up everybody and the whole planet to keep the Eye of the Thing from Cylon hands. Boomer lets Sharon know about Hera and Sharon goes less ballistic than you might think. Laura's like, "You don't know me! You don't ****in' know me!" Even Bill is kind of grossed out but it's not the hugest item on the agenda right now: there's algae on the line, and also the mystical magical artifact. Too bad Three's already put a bunch of Centurions on the planet, and also had a fairly gross discussion with Caprica about their mÃ©nage a trois and how Jesus doesn't really want her for a sunbeam after all. (Oh, and she's convinced that she's like This Close to reaching the Final Five. Just a couple more suicides before you qualify for that free calendar! Twelve months of Doral looking exactly the same in every possible month, except December when he's wearing a Santa hat. I would kill for this calendar. Hybrid says: "Concertina episodic repetitive Orangina with the fringe on top end of line.")
Also, Cally is totally cute and not horrible in any way, and the majority of the episode is like, "Remember Chief? He's so awesome. Remember? Sorry about leaving that part out all season." Of course, Lee has already figured out about Three's robot infiltration, and asks Anders -- who totally knows about Lee boning his wife and whose awesomeness has nothing to do with that crap -- to make an army of the civilians just like back home when he was nuts and bombing coffee shops. Speaking of: Starbuck notifies everybody about the Centurions, then gets shot down. Sam wants to go get her, Lee says no way, Sam says bite me, and that's a cliffhanger: when in doubt, shoot down Starbuck over enemy space. Also cliffhangering: Gaeta, who figures out that the Algae Sun is seconds from supernova, and Bill, who would like to remind everybody about how he's going to nuke their asses to hell if they don't do just as he says. Hot: Three, as usual, and Laura, ditto. Not: Dualla's lame ass, Caprica's ditto. Next week: A MONTH FROM NOW.
Previously, Lee cheated on Dee with Kara, but then Kara married Sam because she has a lot of issues. A year and a half later they got okay again. Also, Sharon had a half-human baby, which Roslin kidnapped and lied about, which was later rescued by the Cylons. Additionally, Gaius got all caught up in Three's religious mania and hopes to be a Cylon saint, but nobody told Caprica that her threesome was quickly becoming a creepy suicidal culty twosome. Everybody was starving until Sharon found a planet full of algae and religious significance; not everybody survived the passage there.
Kara flies her Raptor down to the surface of the Algae Planet. It's been two weeks since Kat died and they made planetfall. Chief and Anders are being quite industrious with the civilians and Marines getting the processing plant completed; Chief hears the call of the Gods up on a high bluff but ignores it, chatting instead with Anders about how the Algae Planet smells gross and the resulting food is no more delicious than it smells. Until somebody finds the Hot Fudge Planet, Chief cracks, they're screwed. Overhead, Kara's Raptor comes in hot and wild.
Inside a bunker, Dualla's guessing it's Starbuck flying all crazy. "Third time this week. It's amazing how she keeps landing on the top of the pilot rotation." Lee notifies her that the donut runs are assigned on a coin flip, so Kara probably thinks she's just running a stream of bad luck. Yeah, "streams" tend to be bad luck for Kara Thrace. He heads out to debrief her and Dualla elects to "skip the meet-and-greet." I'm guessing that what is going to happen next is going to be Lee and Kara being pretty fucking gross, so that's probably best.
In Kara's Raptor, Lee and Kara commence being pretty fucking gross. And also totally transparent. Poor Dee. They start making out fiercely. It's not even really that hot anymore -- however hot it was, it is now much less hot than even that. I mean, they are both married precisely to hurt each other, and now that they don't want to hurt each other anymore, it's kind of silly to still be married, but I don't know anything about marriage so I can posit that you stay married once you get married. Also that Kara will never divorce Sam as long as Lee's out there endangering her wildness or whatever. Still, they are gross.
Outside, Chief directs Cally to "start emptying the tents," so I guess the processing thing is almost done. He hears something magic again and stares up at the bluff.
Apollo is whining about how he can barely look Dee in the eye these days, due to cheating on her and whatnot. He suggests getting divorces, which you know is not going to fly. A lot of this episode, though, is about who's religious and who isn't. Almost every storyline this episode, that's a huge deal, so let's review: Kara's the most religious person on the show. Maybe that used to be Chief, but Cavil did a number on him, and I think also that that was not true to begin with and I just assumed that. But yeah, Kara loves the Gods: it's the main thing connecting her to Laura, and Laura's totally used it against her more than once. So Kara reacts very negatively to the suggestion about divorce, and Lee scoffs at her: "You said yourself, things were bad. Your marriage was failing." But marriage is a sacrament: "It's not a Pyramid game, you don't... you don't get do-overs, Lee. I made a vow in the sight of the Gods, and I'm not gonna break that." Lee kisses her and notes how she's breaking her vow whenever they get gross. She chuckles, because obviously it's not just the religious part that works for her here: "Divorce is different. This is just bending the rules." They make out for a second and then Lee hurls himself across the cabin and into a patented Lee Adama sonnet. "Every time I look at my wife, I see my own guilt reflected in her eyes." Kara makes fun of this crap and tells him not to make such a big deal out of it. It's funny, because they're in the opposite of their usual corners on this one: She's Little Miss Rules and Regs when it comes to religion, and he is drawing lines in the sand left and right. "Great. So, I won't divorce, and you won't cheat. So where does that leave us?" It leaves you gross, sad individuals in a pile of your own self-created filth and the corpses of innocent bystanders. Or as Lee would say it: "Trapped." I don't mind emo romantic pain or any of that, but when you start getting your toxic stuff all over nice people like Dualla or Sam, it stops being intriguing and starts being malicious. But they're right in that I don't see a way out either.