Well, it all goes the hell down. We've been waiting sixty-seven episodes for everybody to crazy at once, and it finally happened. Felix uses his remarkable reach to get Zarek out of the brig and back onto Colonial One with everybody thinking it's a political coup and not an actual one. Laird is killed in the process, and we learn that Racetrack and the possibly late Skulls have joined the mutiny. That's when everything starts.
The mutineers still don't have much of a point, but they sure are full of all the best, most untrashy characters, such as the Circle's Connor, and the rapists from Pegasus. Birds of a lovely feather for our friend Felix. And don't forget the always-classy Seelix, who continues her reign as Cally 2.0 by selling Sam into the hands of the rebellionistas because he won't smooch her.
Because this entire thing is based on racism, ignorance and fear, the Cylons are rounded up and brigged immediately. Sam, Caprica, and the Agathons are still in the brig for the time being, with that creepy Pegasus frat boy rape guy promising Athena a repeat performance just as soon as everything is as crappy and stupid as possible. Even Athena is getting tired of Caprica's constant religious shit, which is pretty hilarious.
Meanwhile, Lee gets played for a total fool by Zarek, but once the actual shit hits the fan, he and Kara slip right back into the old Twins routine and work their way through the ship. There are smooches, because Kara is finally out of that funk you often fall into when you find your corpse on a burnt-out alien planet and it's too weird to tell anybody about, and wants to have some fun. Of course, Felix's acting-out couldn't be happening at a better time for her, but Lee has some mixed feeling about it. He manages to express DEMAND HATE's point better than any of them ever could, but nobody's there to hear it.
Laura heads over to the Cult of Gaius Baltar, where she gets major attitude before she and Gaius have yet another of those heart-to-hearts they're so fond of. He lets her use her wireless to make a pretty good speech, but eventually Team Zarek cuts the sound off. So she heads to Chief's rendezvous point to make sure Bill's okay, and gets Gaius to call Felix and work some of that Baltar magic. Felix makes a hilarious "my ex won't stop calling me" face, and though Gaius gets some traction, he manages to mention just the wrong shit, and Gaeta ends the episode ordering alert Vipers to blow up Gaius and the President both.
Saul and Bill, after CIC is blown to hell, take out an entire fucking squad of Mutiny Marines using their Grumpy Old Man powers. They make sure Galen, the Twins, and the Prophets get onboard a Raptor and head for the Basestar. That's right, the senior staff will be fighting the mutinying Fleet from a Cylon ship, because this show is awesome. Meanwhile, Bill and Saul say goodnight Gracie and get blown to hell in a final blaze of glory.
See our list of the most frakked up moments on this show... though clearly, we're gonna need to add to it from tonight's episode. Phew. Check back next week for Jacob's full recap.
0620: Adama offers Tigh some coffee but he's not interested because it tastes like algae. They talk about how three more civilian captains have refused the Cylon upgrades, and it's a telling response indeed when Bill goes, "Didn't we already worry about this?" Tigh points out that just because Adama doesn't feel like dealing with it doesn't mean it's going away, but Bill is so not feeling that concept lately. Even the Hitei Kan is still acting uppity, "screaming bloody murder to anyone who'll listen, claiming they're being illegally seized by our Marines." And Bill is like, "Ugh. Well, go tell my son to tell the democratic government of our society that I will put them in jail if they don't start doing what our military dictatorship says."
Tigh's like, "You know how much I love a coup in the morning, especially now that Roslin's completely abdicated and will do whatever you tell her, but did you know I'm a Cylon? Which is sort of a crux among cruxes here?" Laura swans into the room in her bathrobe and delights in Tigh's wide-eyed shock that she's been spending the night there since, what, like New Caprica? He immediately runs off to his Roslin/Adama shipper board to squee that it's canon, or whatever, I don't really know what those words mean, but I understand that giggling about sex is a big part of it. Bill gets kind of annoyed at Tigh even bringing up how he's a killer robot in public now, and sends Tigh off to suspend habeus corpus or whatever. Laura thinks about speaking up, but realizes there are limits to even her hypocrisy, and shuts it down.
0632: Felix visits the VP in his cell with a contingent of rebel Marines, and escorts him from the brig. What's going on here is that because Felix is the Galactica's entire nervous system, he can do all kinds of House shit to her, like make her think there are fires happening that aren't, or selectively turning her blind. So he can tell anybody that asks that Adama ordered Zarek's release, up to and including Lee and the Quorum itself, because the only person that could disprove that is Adama himself, and he could give a fuck about anything right now. Which is one of the nicest ironies about Felix's nasty little mutiny: the way Roslin and Adama's West Wing elitism and voluntary blindness to the needs and desires of their people is exactly the blind spot getting exploited. If all you see is the forest, you'll never notice the creatures in the trees, the moss on the north sides, the giant spiders, the rot and disease spreading. It even serves a narrative function for us, because we've stayed up at the top of the tower with them the whole time: for this story to make sense, we have to come down and look at it from the perspective of a nation that's been lied to and controlled at gunpoint since the attacks eight -- er, I mean four -- years ago.