ONE: The Baby Crazies
Day 67 of the New Caprica occupation. People that the Tyrols apparently sometimes have dinner with include: Tigh, Jammer, Duck and his wife Nora. You've not seen Nora before, but you know Duck and Jammer. Jammer's the Deck Crew guy who fought Cally and Socinus about Letting The Terrorists Win during the witch hunt, and also ended up in that room with all the dead nugget bodies; Duck's the blonde Viper pilot who was the only other person in "Scar." Jammer is religious, Duck is not but his wife is, Tigh believes in the power of doubt and the word "no," Chief Galen Tyrol used to be religious before Al from Quantum Leap totally blew his mind, and Cally is quietly religious.
There are no atheists in foxholes. James Morrow, a genius on many levels, said this was not an argument against atheism so much as it is an argument against foxholes. Meaning that war makes you do terrible things, and get confused about who you are and what you actually believe. I don't care if you believe in God or not but terrible things have a way of making you confused about who you were in the first place, and that's what we're dealing with here: two different arguments about foxholes and about what you do next.
Curfew's in twenty minutes, so everybody's getting their jackets and stuff to leave. Duck says something about ending up in a Cylon jail cell for being out past curfew; Jammer informs us that the first thing the Cylons did when they "showed up to help us" was build a jail. That sounds about right. Baby Nicholas Tyrol starts crying and Nora, Duck's wife, says he's so beautiful. If you say a baby is ugly, you go to hell, so I will say that it is possible that Nora has the Baby Crazies where you wonder if today won't be the day you steal a cute baby in the supermarket because it is cute, but more so perhaps because it is a baby. I don't believe in hell, but I do believe that phylogeny recapitulates lameness, and also that I might really like Cally this season if she will just... do something.
Cally knows about the Baby Crazies and tells them they should have one, and Duck protests that they're working on it. Jammer says this is "great work if you can get it," and everybody laughs, because in a concentration camp nothing is funny anymore. They leave, and Duck makes a joke about how Jammer needs to have "a lady" soon, because he's starting to walk funny. This is because of that medical condition known as Blue Balls, which is a terrifying situation where the backup of semen in the testicles causes you to actually die. At least that's what Coach told us, and if I pass this knowledge on to the ladies it's only because it's of medical interest. Apparently those of us looking for a fight thought this was a gay joke, but come on: there are no gay people on this show. Jammer offers to sleep with Duck's wife through the well-known "if you only had a sister" gambit, and everybody laughs, and then Duck refuses a cigarette because "if they're going to have a baby, they gotta clean up their act." They kiss, which apparently Jammer cannot have, because he brings up a person they know named Longo, who was killed by toasters after they found his weapons stash. Downer, Jammer! I guess Nora won't be getting impregnated tonight.
Back inside the Tyrols' tent, Tigh and Chief talk about how Jammer is trying to recruit Duck to the Resistance. Chief opens up a weapons stash and expresses relief that at least this one stash was still under Longo's latrine. Tigh is allergic to relief, and his Canadian Scots accent he sometimes falls into gets very hardcore. I like him more when he talks like this, like a salty dog. "This is all that's left? This is fracking pathetic. If this keeps up, we'll have nothing but rocks left to throw at the bastards!" Chief's like, "Also nobody to throw the rocks, because we will all be dead, and then it'll just be: rocks."