Battlestar Galactica
The Woman King

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | 3 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Helo Suit

As Tigh and Cottle finally get down the longest corridor in existence and enter, Helo screams about how Robert's killing people by injecting them with liquid death, and Tigh comes in and tells everybody to chill. "Saul," says Robert, relieved. "You told me he was a flake, you didn't tell me he was dangerous!" Tigh tells him to shut the frack up and then everybody stands around and stresses out for awhile. Cottle checks Dee -- she's fine, of course -- and Robert's like, the hell? "You don't believe him, do you? He's seriously delusional! Needs help." And Tigh -- I will never forgive him for this -- fully goes, "Yeah, and we should've given it to him." Oh My God, how does that happen? How do you just blatantly go there? Is it a result of not getting hugged enough as a child? What would lead you to construct a narrative so unremittingly bullshitty and then end it with Tigh, the voice of authority -- just because you have major issues with women doesn't mean you get along with men -- being all Adama about it. "We, humanity at large, will now apologize for not seeing how truly special and magical and amazing you really are. Please accept our humble apologies...and this platter of cookies."

Cottle admits that he lied, and didn't actually check Willie's blood until a couple of hours ago. "I was exhausted, and I'll admit the Sagittarons annoy the hell out of me, and I didn't want to go against my colleague...but you were right about the records, Helo. There was no bitamucin in the King boy's body." So that's two. They should just go all Lord Of The Rings and kneel down and call him liege or whatever. Robert protests that Willie died because it was too late for treatment, but Cottle reminds him of what he just said, about checking the body out. "No, he didn't. He died of acute cell destruction. He was injected with a toxic bisphosphonate!" There's a little of the old Cottle spark for a second, which is nice. Robert protests and whatever, Cottle shoots him down about Buckminster Senior as well, and Helo takes a few swipes in there of the "you are a sick frack" type, and Robert is like, "You ought to be on your knees thanking me for saving your daughter's life!" Which is...totally true, which doesn't explain why Helo growls like a jungle cat and jumps for his throat and has to be restrained by Marines. And then Robert "explains" what the fuck "happened" in this "episode," and it's a real "treat."

"Now, you know how painful this disease is at the end. And they don't want our help. Now, why waste time and meds and space on them, when all of those resources could go to those who really deserve it? Who gets the medication when there's not enough to go around -- the Sagittaron who won't even raise a finger to save his own race, or a Viper pilot?"

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Battlestar Galactica

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