Battlestar Galactica

Episode Report Card
Jacob: A+ | 3363 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
This Is Not A Love Story

"I mean, obviously you've done this a thousand times before..." he bitches, and she coughs, exasperated. "Well, I'm just doing the same thing you're doing," every bit as petulantly. What in the fuck is holy about crawling around in the dirt with a mean little kid like Gaius? Where did you go? "No, you're not actually, no you're not, because if you'll watch what I'm doing, what I'm doing is I'm actually focusing on her, all right?" This works for one second before he starts shrieking again. "Now tell us what happened in the Opera House now, all right?!" Laura shakes her head, having gotten exactly half the point: "Oh, the only thing you're doing is yelling." ...such a format will close the doors... I couldn't have said it better myself. We got some obstinate tin soldiers up in this piece, and all she wants them to do is stop being assholes for like five seconds so she can reveal the secrets of the universe, but no. They cannot do it. It's like getting weird and speeding up in front of somebody, so you can reach the stoplight faster. We're all going to the same freaking place.

"'Close the door'... No, no, open the door. Open the door. I want to open the door!" Gaius makes fun of her, muttering, but Laura is now yelling at the Hybrid like some kind of slot machine. It's funny but it's gross. Maybe it's funny because it's gross. "Do it again, do it again, do it again!" Gaius, knowing that he can't very well face off against Laura Roslin in terms of taking over the room with pure gravitas, gives in, in the most Gaius Baltar way you can imagine: by taking his toys and leaving. "I'm going for a walk. Love to see you do any better." Laura shakes her head: Oh, you will. "All right, I'll do it. Open the door!" she screams. It's not the Hybrid that needs to do that. All she is, is an open door.

Three! The Three is online... "The Three is online, the Three is online... The Three is D'Anna," Laura remembers. ...Three is online...processing data... "The Three is D'Anna..." ...loading data... "D'Anna is online... Oh, D'Anna's in a body! D'anna's back in a body..." And that's all it takes: just a little crack in the door; just a step from the nation called Laura to a nation called Everything, just a tiny ride in those Hybrid moccasins: ...booting up... Jump! And just it's funny for five whole seconds more, as Laura continues to repeat her Hybrid talk: "Ju...? Oh," she says wryly, and rolls her eyes a little bit as they go.

Battlestar Galactica

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