Fashion Week 2009, NYC. The Zac Posen show is in full swing. Lots of ruffles and super-high necks adorn hangers with legs as they strut in the overblown, overpriced clothes. It's Harlequin Chic! Zac beams at the stick figures. Backstage, the hum of blow dryers and snapping compacts is creating quite a flurry. A veteran model tells a clearly nervous young blonde thing with a bouffant extraordinaire that Gwen (Stefani), Ashton (Kutcher) and Renée (Zellweger) are in the audience. And then she's all, "Don't worry. You'll be fine!" Model manipulation 101.

Zac spots the blondie (who I must note immediately is in the most awesome post-millennial Lifetime movie ever -- The Party Never Stops: Diary of a Binge Drinker -- check it). He unilaterally forbids her to go out on the runway with the outfit as is. Apparently a necklace is all wrong. God forbid! The manipulative bitch model tells the newbie not to trip on her Jimmy Choos. Is that like the modeling equivalent of "Break a leg?"As Zac fusses over the newbie, she gets more and more nervous. The stage manager uses her inexperience against her, suggesting Zac take her out of the lineup. He insists they can't as she stands in the wings waiting to walk, the bitch comes back and tells her to "Break a heel!" Ah, there it is. Everything goes into slo-mo for a few seconds, then the newbie turns it out. In the words of J. Alexander, honey, she walks like the rent is due tomorrow. Pure sass. Zac eyes her on the backstage monitor.

His muse-ogling is interrupted when the stage manager tells him they have a problem. Cut to Messy Mischa on the phone. She's running late and lying that the rain was torrential when her plane landed. The stage manager calls her out on the lie, so she hangs up and throws back some pills as the radio announces that she, Sonja Stone, is making her long-awaited return to the runway after six months' absence. She looks out the window listlessly. Because pills really aren't that filling, when you think about it.

Blondie continues strutting her ass off as two models backstage (including Not-Zac Efron from High School Musical) talk about Cole, the resident BMOC (big model on the catwalk). Blondie comes back, and they note that she is smiling from ear to ear. She claims it was just the dress, and a long-haired model clichés that modesty will never get her anywhere before slapping the bitch on the ass. Classy. Even over the buzz of the room, they can hear Zac screaming to get Sonja here now. They all note how the rumors must be true. Long Hair McSleaze snarks that Marissa (the bitch) ought to know, since she started most of them. Marissa wonders who would take six months off at the peak of her career. Not-Zac Efron notes it's obviously rehab. The stage manager calls 10 minutes.