Big Brother
A Day Late And A Spine Short

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A Day Late And A Spine Short

Previously on Big Brother: The fast-forward show demonstrated a little ambition by applying the boot to Eric and Jessica both. Depending on your interpretation of Jessica's response to Eric's declaration of love, they are either in sequester, making out, or they are in court, where Eric is learning a little something about boundaries. Dear Show: Please end soon.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the part of the season where the people preparing episodes for broadcast have access to maybe seventy hours of footage to choose from for each episode and still cannot find an hour's worth of watchable material. Thus, you are about to see a super-extended salute to redundancy in the form of the longest set of previouslys since that one episode of The Apprentice where they devoted one-third of the one-hour finale to describing what had already happened. Remember? We blue-and-white our way back to Jessica's banishment. Daniele tells us that she felt "really bad" about Jessica being voted out. In fact, she felt so bad that she tried not to look at Jessica while it was happening. Because the key to being Daniele is that if you don't look at people, their feelings don't exist. Way to be, Kneesocks. Jameka tells us that "it felt like oh my God" when Jessica left. (God: "Normally, that would constitute taking My name in vain, but I checked out of this entire enterprise long ago, so knock yourself out.") We also learn that Eric told Jessica he loved her while they were hugging, which is a little less painful than when I thought he said it for the first time on TV during her farewell video. Eric vowed, you will recall, to be an avenging "maniac" for the whole entire remainder of his time in the house! (Joe R: "All seventeen minutes.") Daniele tells us that she had absolutely no sympathy for Eric, because the game is not personal, after all. It's delicious, coming from someone who reacted to Nick's ouster as if he had been killed and eaten by the Union army when Sherman marched through Atlanta.

We next learn that, before the live show, Dick smuggled Jameka into the Secret Gym Of Treadmills And Intrigue to offer her a deal. Well...it's not really a "deal," so much as it is "threats and extortion." He told her that she would be kept for another round, in return for which she had to agree that she would do whatever he said until the final three. Dick, of course, has to present this in the most bullying way possible, not telling Jameka that they will have an F3 deal, but telling her, "You have no vote -- it's ours." Hello, Dick? There are going to be only four people left. All you have to do is get her to agree to take the two of you to F3. There's really no need for ominous threats of this kind. Dick wants to lock down Jameka's acquiescence, so he says, "You promise on the Bible?" "I will not," says she, "for the truth is more holy than a book to me." (I am paraphrasing. There's a little song. Never mind.) For what it's worth, Jameka is applying a principle directly from the Bible here, in that it specifically instructs you not to swear on things or people, but to "let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no,' 'no.'" In fact, it says that other kinds of swearing originate with "the evil one." You could look it up. At any rate, Jameka tells us that making the deal was "nerve-racking," but now she's in the game for herself. I'm not sure who she was in it with up until now. Maybe she's saying she could only disdain Dick on principle until it damaged her game? Because...it wouldn't be very meaningful then.

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