Dick tells us that the contest came down to him and Zach. Dad versus dude. Zach says he was purely focused on winning. "It's up to me," Dick says seriously of his responsibility to his alliance. "Zach can't win this HoH."

After a set of commercials, we return to the competition, of course. Zach is still only using two cups to Dick's three, which means that he's carrying less water but moving faster. Dick reminds us yet again that he needed to win in order to keep control in the game. And then, all of a sudden, Zach's ball has floated to the top, and it's over. Zach is HoH. The only person expressing happiness is Zach himself, because he's surrounded by graceless assholes who can't even congratulate a guy on a victory if it doesn't benefit them. Eric calls himself "embarrassed and ashamed" about his loss, but he also makes sure to call Zach an "oaf" and a "moron." I really don't think that's the case, considering that Zach's not the one who spent the entire time falling on his ass. Furthermore, none of this even feels genuine coming from Eric. It all feels like it's calculated either to suck up to America or to curry favor with Dick. As my MS noted this week: "Eric isn't a bully. Eric is a toady."

Speaking of America's Toady, he reflects on Zach's victory by calling it "an absolute nightmare." He also thinks it may make things difficult for Jessica, so he's very unhappy about that. As the contest is winding down, Jessica (as competition host) reminds Eric that he has a call from home, and asks if he wants to give the call away or keep it. Eric claims that he almost gave it to Jameka, since she's had no contact with home, but he winds up giving it to Jessica. Jessica says she's hoping to hear from her brother, who's supposed to be home from Iraq, but Eric's reason for giving it to her was undoubtedly boobie-related. As somber music plays, Eric talks about how he spent the whole week convincing Jessica to boot Amber by telling Jessica that Zach was a weak player who wouldn't win competitions. Apparently, Jessica said she was afraid of Zach nominating her, and that he kept telling her it wouldn't happen. He's...actually crying, I think, as he can't reassure her anymore. I can't believe Jessica believed Eric when he implied that he could somehow protect her. With what, magic whining?