Big Brother
Autumn Leaves

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
The one where Hardy wins Head of Household!

Out on the patio, Monica tells Kent that she thinks Nicole would lie to him about the status of the vote.

Hardy explains that he suspects Nicole is playing "both sides of the fence." He calls her on it, in the kitchen. Nicole sort of purses her lips and tells him that he needs to trust her, because she’s still playing the game exactly the way they discussed it. Then she stalks out of the kitchen. "Makes you go 'hmmm,'" Hardy says to the camera

Shield your eyes -- this is the portion of the show detailing the newest developments in the Grand Romance brewing between Shannon and Will. We get an entire recap of their relationship to this point, including the Day Three comments from Shannon in which she swears she’s not going to hook up with anyone, because she loves Poor Jim Back At Home. Of course, by Day Six, she’s all perched in the Big Blue Chair of Adultery and going all, you never know. Day Seven, Will is lying on top of her in the storage room. But on Day Nine, Shannon insists she’s not going to get naked with anyone. I guess dry humping is okay, as long as there’s no nudity involved. By Day Thirteen, though, Shannon’s whispering to Will that she "can’t wait for [him] to make love to [her]," and I go blind. Thank God, my sight returns in time to see Will in the Big Blue Chair of My God, Will! What Is The Deal With Your Hair?, admitting that there’s a possibility that Shannon is "playing" him. He says that he’s keeping her close for both "physical and strategic reasons." This is accompanied by a shot of Will pulling down Shannon’s pants and going for her crotch with his face. Sweet Jesus, people, it’s the family hour. By Day Fifteen, we’ve got Will grabbing Shannon’s ass. And Day Sixteen, there’s rhythmic heavy breathing under the covers. Excuse me while I go take a long, hot shower, even though I know there’s no way I’ll ever feel clean again.

Après love fest, the editors cut to Julie Chen. "Later, we’ll hear what Shannon’s boyfriend has to say," she snarks. Heh. Julie is totally growing on me. I think she hates Chill Town as much as I do.

The first two votes are from Hardy and Monica, both wearing all white, because, you know, they’re good rather than evil. They each vote to evict Autumn.

Woo hoo! It’s time to hear from Poor Jim Back At Home. He’s a young, beefy blond dude, who doesn’t appear to be the shiniest penny in the collection plate, but that could be because he’s struck dumb by his girlfriend’s egregious transgressions. He tells us that he and Shannon have been dating for sixteen months, and explains that Shannon is the kind of person who "uses what God gave her and [puts] it to work for her." In other words, she shakes her booty to get what she wants. This revelation is followed by a shot of Will and Shannon macking, Evil Alliance Style, and Will’s infamous I Have A Message For Jim/He’s Outta Here speech. Jim purses his lips and looks into the camera. "Will, I’d like you to be a man and say it to my face," he says. "And at a hundred and sixty-five pounds, [you] should bring Hardy with [you]." Then, in my favorite moment of the night, Jim intimates that Will’s "personal well-being may be at stake!" He’s going to kick Will’s ass! While, generally, I think that the wronged partner ought to take up their wrongedness with the person who cheated on them, not the person they cheat with, in this case: woo! Kick Will’s ass! Jim tells us that he feels he "deserves an explanation." The explanation, I suspect, is that your girlfriend is a bit of a ho-bag. Back in the house, Nicole asks Shannon if she’s in love with Jim. Shannon gapes. Jim closes his Segment of Pain by revealing that it’s not easy to watch the person you love get busy with someone else, but he’s going to continue to love and support Shannon. In the house, Will and Shannon make out some more. Poor Jim.

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