MONDO EXTRAS

2:16 AM: Dustin rehearses a goodbye speech directed at Dick. Bad karma floats from that decision.

2:20 AM: I don't think it's just me; things are really beginning to wind down for the night, but the After Dark people have to just keep rolling and rolling. Jen and Jessica are chatting in the hot tub about essentially nothing, which lends additional support for my general thesis that movie or TV dialogue that's actually realistic would be, in fact, incredibly dull.

2:22 AM: Dustin. Amber. Jameka. Bed. Nothing. Amber starts speculating about whether Eric and Zach secretly know each other and are secretly best friends. We need to put her to work on some of our most vexing national security problems.

2:25 AM: WHY CAN DUSTIN, AMBER, AND JAMEKA GO TO BED AND I HAVE TO STAY UP?

2:26 AM: Amber reveals that she searched Craigslist for reality television opportunities every day for three months. This all has to do with speculating about someone's claim that he saw a casting notice for the show. Shortly thereafter, we go back out to the hot tub, but the control voice says, "Dustin. Stop that." That is pretty cool, I must admit. I'd love to be a voice that could boom into people's homes and say, "Stop that."

2:31 AM: Dustin has followed Jen and Jessica out to the hot tub, where he's sitting at the edge and eating. They're all still trying to figure out what the hell all the clues earlier meant. Zach later joins the group, but awkwardly, like...well, like you'd think, with it being Zach.

2:33 AM: Dick is inside with Daniele, setting up beer pong. Dick wants to make Daniele some slop, because she's not eating. Nothing like a midnight snack of proteinized oatmeal. Thanks, Dad!

2:34 AM: Eric comes out to the hot tub and chats with everyone, referring to himself as "so checked out." He tells us he's "in a daze." Jessica is standing with arms crossed, which = he's in trouble. It turns out that Dick has come out to lie on a chair, and he breaks into the conversation to discuss the kind of slop that Dustin is eating. He can't believe Dustin eats straight slop. Meanwhile, inside, Daniele and Zach sit next to each other and do not speak. My brain, which is just about checked out itself, envisions them clanking their heads together to try to make music. It would sound like a xylophone.