Big Brother
Big Brother After Dark

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When You're Asleep, You're Lucky

Never let it be said that I do not take one for the team when the situation calls for it. We at TWoP felt like even though it's really not our thing, we just had to get a look at the Big Brother After Dark live feed show on Showtime Too. So you know, this is not an edited set of feed highlights -- this is just plain old feeds, from 12:00 AM to 3:00 AM Eastern, which is 9:00 PM to 12:00 AM Houseguest. I would sooner submerge my head in a pot of boiling tar than sit in front of my computer watching these people eat and scratch themselves all day, but research is research. I kind of wanted to know (having never really recovered from seeing someone say that she had just finished watching seventeen hours of live feeds without interruption): What the hell is the fascination? So on Wednesday night, the day before Thursday's live show, I sat down and watched three damn hours of this, with a friend close by to keep me awake, and I kept a diary. So...enjoy?

12:00 AM: Julie Chen gives the intro to what is known as Big Brother After Dark, which sounds a lot more like porn than this is going to be. When we join the show, Dustin is standing in front of a giant sunflower while Jessica talks about...something. They appear to be talking strategy, but Dustin is also stretching. Jameka is eating spaghetti. Jessica, it turns out, is in bed, and they're all reviewing a sequence of things that includes a pirate, rabbits, and a statue. Really. What is she talking about? Cartoons? They're clearly trying to figure out what something means, and Dustin believes that a lot of arm motions will help him make sense of it. [Note: As you know if you watched Thursday night's show, they are discussing the various "visitors" about whom they were quizzed for the HoH competition, and the incredible energy you will now see them devote to figuring out what the secret meaning of all the sayings and props might be was utterly, entirely wasted, because all they had to do was answer quiz questions about the details. That makes the next three hours much, much funnier.]

12:02 AM: At this point, my best friend and Music Stylist signs on to IM to keep me company and remarks, "I was looking for a test pattern I could watch, but all I could find was Big Brother After Dark." Dustin mentions a barbershop quartet, and now I feel like I'm in the middle of Yellow Submarine. The next thing I learn from watching this -- and I have been assured that I will not really understand what anyone is like until I do -- is that it's REALLY loud when Jameka blows her nose while wearing her body mic. And then Eric enters the room, and Dustin's like, "We're talking -- get out!" And then he's like, "Psych!" Because to Dustin, that's comedy.

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Big Brother

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