Big Brother
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

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Love Is a Poorly Rendered Thing

Saturday. Previously on Big Brother 3: The overly pretty Roddy/Chiara and Eric/Lisa couplings endeavored to make the entire house their personal Fort Lauderdale Spring Break, while the Danielle/Jason alliance made secret plans to have the whole thing busted up by the cops. A surprising Gerry/Josh confederacy of dunces began to emerge from the mists of inevitable doom, as they both realized that an ally you look forward to screwing later is better than no ally at all. Amy and Marcellas bickered and whined their way through their week as nominees, and in an anticlimactic conclusion, Amy was unanimously booted and pretended to be very, very happy about it. In a flip of fortunes that demonstrated one of the few things about this show that is actually interesting, Eric's powerful biceps couldn't save him from his problems with math, which meant that Outcast Gerry became HoH Gerry, and the sucking up began.

Blue-and-white Rehash-o-Vision of Amy being booted. Again. We see each blue-and-white houseguest diary-room Amy's name in turn, and then the usual Requiem for an Evictee music starts up and Amy and Marcellas share one last hug. He diary-rooms about how much fun Amy was and how much he's going to miss her. (Not me. Bye, Amy!) Gerry reports that he started to "well up" at Amy's departure. Gosh, considering how eerily chipper she was about it, Gerry, I can't imagine why. "What matters," Chiara intones with a labored mix of compassion and gloating, as if she is announcing the names of the girls that the cheerleading squad is not inviting to join, "is that when she walked away, she walked away with no enemies, but only friends." She chooses not to add what she's thinking, which is, "Which isn't bad, considering that she was a boyfriend-stealer and I am way prettier than she is." Josh, looking even more scraggly and unappetizing than usual and not wearing a shirt (EW!), says that he had intended to throw Amy his vote, until he realized she was campaigning all over the house for sympathy votes. Josh demands to be the only thrill ride on the midway at your personal Carnival of Intrigue, I guess, or he just can't be bothered to nauseate the passengers at all.

As we slide to color, Chiara puts an arm around a post-eviction Marcellas and says to him, smiling, "I know how it feels." How what feels? Being saved and having your closest friend evicted? No, you don't. Being nominated in general? No, you don't. Being nominated twice in the first three weeks? No, you don't. Being the only man in America who still thinks draping a sweater around your shoulders is a good idea? No, you don't. Shut up, Chiara. Jason tells us that he hopes that the unanimous vote reassured Marcellas about the trustworthiness of the people in the house...and then Marcellas diary-rooms that he trusts no one. He yammers some more to the effect that he's sad about Amy but still glad to be in the house, and that he's "supposed to be here" and all that. Ooh, Marcellas has a date with destiny, and he's putting on his tux.

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Big Brother

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