Big Brother
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Love Is a Poorly Rendered Thing

Now it's time for a new HoH game, and if you remember the key-sliding game from last year, you basically know what this is. They had all week to practice rolling a ball down a lane, with the objective being to get it as close to the end of the lane as possible without going off the end. Almost everyone shoots his or her ball right off the end of the lane (adrenaline multiplies their power, I think), and in the end, Chiara wins it, with nobody else even coming close. Chiara as HoH? I may throw up. But at last, Julie promises that after the commercials, we will finally get to hear about the damn twist.

Julie explains to Eric that one week from tonight, either Eric, Amy, Tonya, or Lori will be returning to the game. She reveals that Amy, Tonya, and Lori have been separately sequestered in different parts of Mexico since they left the house. It appears that Lori has spent her time out in the sun without sunblock on, as she is thoroughly crispy. Tonya has been frolicking in the water, and as much as I'd like to talk about something other than her enormous pretend breasts, she obviously doesn't want anyone to notice anything else about her, given that she has now covered them up with a bikini that is not merely too small, but in fact very, very much too small. All of the "cantaloupes covered with Band-aids" remarks that come to mind seem inadequate for the job. She says that the show would be sexy if she came back, because she "can't be in a show that's not sexy." Please, please, please do not bring back Tonya. That is the only thing I ask. Amy is in Ixtapa, where she is -- guess what? -- drinking herself into a stupor, apparently. Which is...very, very sad, and not funny in the slightest.

Julie slaps a bug off of Eric (or so she claims, when touching his arm), and reiterates that he's going to get a chance to get back in the game. She promises more details, but they are not actually forthcoming.

Usually, nothing interesting happens during the live show just before the credits roll, but this time, Roddy discusses with Lisa a plan to do the Stupidest Thing Ever, which is to volunteer to be put up against either Josh or Gerry, rather than putting them up against each other. Roddy is sure, you see, that this will result in the eviction of the other person, since the non-strategizing Danielle, Jason, and Marcellas are so bewitched by his personal charm that they would never vote to bounce him. Wow. He is really off-base, for a guy who started out so clearly looking like the best player. That is a very bad idea, Roddy. That could potentially be a miscalculation of unmatched proportions in the history of reality television. If he actually brings about his own eviction...that would just be way, way too amusing to contemplate. Talk about hoist on your own petard.

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Big Brother




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