Big Brother
Brenchel's Revenge

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!
Worst Case Scenario

When we come back, everyone's back in the backyard, waiting for Julie to tell them who Lawon will be facing off against, per America's vote. And after more than two million votes, she says it's...neither Keith or Cassi. Oh, come on, Julie, you know damn well who it is. Julie says it was close between Dominic and Brendon but...Brendon gets another shot. Oh, America, you idiot.

So it's time for Lawon and Brendon to compete. It's basically an arcade hoop-shooting game, but with a whole shitload volleyballs that each have the name of one of the fourteen houseguests printed on it. The one who sinks a full set fastest wins, but there's only room for fourteen in the basket. The one who comes closest to finishing in three minutes wins, but there are also tiebreakers which Julie explains but I'm not going to because with Brendon going against Lawon, tiebreakers are going to be about as relevant as time travel.

Balls start getting launched into the yard from overhead, and Rachel is of course immediately cheering Brendon on. Brendon takes an early lead, and Rachel is helping him from the sidelines, calling out the colors Brendon needs to find. With two minutes left it's seven to three, with Brendon in the lead. Other houseguests are also calling colors out to Lawon, but it's not helping him much as he keeps missing the hole. And you can't tell me that Rachel isn't keeping a mental list of the people who are helping out Lawon. There's one minute left, and then Brendon finishes with thirty seconds left and hits his buzzer. Lawon keeps going, in case Brendon screwed up, but he runs out of time long before he's done. Just like that, Brendon's back in the game.

MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, next time he gets evicted, I'm covering it myself no matter where I am. Obviously that's the only way to make sure it takes. So that's Lawon out of the house for good. Smooth move, Kalia and Daniele. You put Brenchel back together, which would be fine, but they're together inside the house. All these people are dead to me now.

All this has burned up so much of the episode that Lawon doesn't even get an exit Chenterview, and we don't even find out who the next HoH will be until Sunday. Like it matters, now that I've lost my will to live.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]

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Big Brother




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