Big Brother

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: D- | Grade It Now!

Jen's goodbye messages are just as you'd think: Jameka's is grudgingly conciliatory, because God has already decided what she's going to say; Eric's is phony, because apparently, he didn't realize he was going to be a spiteful bastard on her way out the door and he was hoping for her vote; Dick's is gloating; Jessica's is boring; Zach's encourages her to vote for a nice person with integrity (HINT!); Daniele's is weirdly senseless and passive-aggressive; and Amber's is cluelessly well-intentioned, without any big words.

HoH! The game involves questions about opinions offered by past houseguests. Everyone is sitting atop dunk tanks, and Jen, in the Chendome, has her finger on a big button (heh). Each question will have an "A" or "B" answer. Hold up a paddle for your answer. If you're right, you stay dry. If you're wrong, Jen hits the button and dumps you, and you're out. If everybody's wrong, however, nobody gets wet. Last one staying dry is HoH. The first question, everyone gets right. The second question knocks out Eric, who looks really pissed off that Jen put him in the water, which delights me. He's one of those guys who actually thinks nipple rings make him someone else. The third question knocks out nobody, because everybody got it wrong -- Kail actually said she'd give her Bible to Dick, not Jameka. Next question knocks out Amber and Zach. So we're down to Jessica and Dick. And the last question asks what movie various houseguests compared their experience to. Kail said Animal House and Nick, who is either brilliant or a total asshole, said Love, Actually. Who said Meet The Fockers, Joe or Mike? The answer is Joe, and Jessica gets it right. Dick doesn't, and Jen actually gives a "HA-ha" as she dumps him so hard his feet fly up out of the water. Awesome. Jessica is HoH, and I don't really take any satisfaction in that, I find, because all this means is that we'll spend the week watching her be jerked around by Eric. It's true that it's not Dick, but I suspect he'll still spend the week tormenting whomever is the next target of his wrath/boredom/pathos. Of course, Eric treats Jessica's win as his own.

And now! Whom should Eric get nominated? My guess? Amber will "win" this question again, because the same bar-dwelling assholes who've been autovoting for Dick all season will keep doing it, and America will declare that not even intentionally burning someone with cigarettes because you don't like her will keep us from wanting you to stay around. We are so awesome.

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Big Brother




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