Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | 447 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Secret's Out -- Sort Of

Rachel announces her HoH room tour, which Kristen pointedly boycotts. Rachel is of course the mature and bigger person absnort HA HA HA! I almost got through that with a straight face. Enzo DRs about having to suck up, but does it better than anyone else. Even Hayden and Britney, who both DR after the fact about wanting to kill themselves.

Kathy approaches Kristen to say it's probably going to be the two of them up for eviction this week, but Kristen insists. "I'm not going anywhere." Even if she gets voted out? It might be interesting to see Big Brother security have to actually enter the house to pry Kristen's fingernails out of the door frame.

Rachel, all dressed up in a cop outfit, blows out nearly every microphone on the house calling everyone to the living room. They sit down, and the big screen suddenly shows a recording of Will Ferrell and Mark Walhberg on the screen, addressing the houseguests. "Stop screaming, okay? Just shut up!" Ferrell says, as though he can hear them. This is a luxury competition to see their cop comedy The Other Guys, which I was thinking about seeing before this, but nothing that Big Brother houseguests ever get to see is any good.

Ever see Be Kind Rewind? Because for this competition, the backyard is decorated like someone is making a "sweded" version of The Other Guys. It's like a taste of home for deputy sheriff Kathy. They non-HoH houseguests are in three teams of three for an obstacle course that they'll run while carrying a fake police car. Lane basically drags Matt and Britney through the course. Ragan leads Kristen and Kathy methodically through while a slow waltz plays. Ragan compares having Kathy on your team to being in Weekend at Bernie's, which cracks me up. Then it's Hayden, Enzo, and Brendon, crashing through like a herd of bulls. They end up in a pile, giggling and hugging and covered in suds. For waaay too long.

The first team came in at 52 seconds, while the second team actually earns a "wah wah wah" with its time of two minutes, 18 seconds. And Enzo, Hayden, and Brendon came in at 47 seconds, so that's a win for the green team, and Rachel gets to watch it with them as HoH. Brendon is already looking forward to making out with Rachel at the movies. I'm sure Enzo and Hayden are looking forward to sitting through that, too.

Big Brother

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