Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C | Grade It Now!
Misty Slop-Colored Memories

Apparently, Lane got to the final three without ever understanding the whole phenomenon of "that's what she said," because he's so literal-minded that he keeps asking who "she" is and why "she" would say "that." Up to the point where it looked like they were down to the final five and he asked a kitchen full of people, "Why is this so stiff and small?" Long silence, while they wait for him to get it. "She has said that," Lane says. One thing we can say about Lane's learning curve: it's straight, but it's long. Okay, all together now...

Then they talk about saboteurs. They know Annie was the first one, but they still don't know who the second one was. Lane and Hayden both thought it was Enzo, who doesn't deny it, but of course it was Ragan. Replay of Ragan's sneaky non-rampage through the house, which culminated in a note reading "I know your secret" tucked under Enzo's pillow. Which led to widespread suspicion of Kathy as the saboteur, which just happened to be Kathy's last week in the house.

Then the guys talk about people getting on each other's nerves, which cuts to a fight between Rachel and Brendon we never saw before. And this was a fight about how much Rachel loves Vegas and how Brendon's not Vegas. "Brendon, I am Vegas," she soap-operas, and leaves him standing in the HoH rom. Just because it was stupid and overdramatic doesn't make it interesting.

Reminder of America's Vote for the favorite houseguest, who will win $25,000 just for being popular. I'm voting for all of them, which is to say none of them.

Now the final three are in the living room, and Enzo is still congratulating the Brigade for being the best alliance ever. Lane adds that nobody knew about the Brigade until they wanted them to. Of course, Kristen and Ragan did, but that wouldn't make a good segue into a replay of the scene where Lane and Enzo dropped the Brigade grenade on Britney just last week and Britney had a slo-mo meltdown. Seen it. Weecapped it. Currently fast-forwarding it.

Lane now gives Britney her props in absentia, but sucks up, "she just wasn't good enough to take the Brigade out." They all have one last three-way, thumbs-up fist bump and say something about the best man winning. Except the best man is never in this house, is he?

Final DRs: Enzo says that maybe his being a "dodo" and not winning anything could be a good strategy. Is he saying he meant to do that? He's planning to make a case that nobody on the jury would vote for him. Lane says he's been waiting for this all season, and says he's there to take the whole game. Hayden says it's now him versus Lane, and if he wins, he's got a good shot at the half-million. "I'm excited but I'm nervous." The announcer reminds us that we get a two-hour finale in Wednesday. That phrase, "two-hour finale," is such a dichotomy of good and bad. It's like "poison blowjob."

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Big Brother




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