Big Brother
Big Brother

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B+ | 486 USERS: C+
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Contracting E.D.

Food competition. It's called "Mission: In-Pasta-Bowl," which is such a deliciously awful pun that it becomes awesome. The houseguests must wade through swimming pools of canned spaghetti decorated with dodgeballs painted to look like meatballs. The meatballs have names of food on them, and they must find two balls with the same food on them to win that food. As Eric explains it, "If I found 'liver,' my partner would have to find liver as well, and then we'd deliver it to the scoring station and we'd have liver for the week." Eric sadly misses a golden opportunity to tell us that you can't spell "deliver to the scoring station" without "liver." So...they get some food. Not much to explain beyond that. Oh, and they go for "sweetbreads" because, as Jessica explains, sweetbreads are "donuts, cornbread, any kind of bread that tastes good, that's not like normal bread." No, it's not like normal bread. That I'll give her. It's not until the end of the competition that the HGs are informed that they'll be stocked up on cow pancreas for the week. Hee. Jen and Kail team up to get cucumber, which is...well, Jameka takes this one for me: "What are we supposed to do with cucumbers for a week, pickle 'em?" Of course, when it's all done, there's the contractually-obligated food fight, as there must be. Eric explains the shenanigans and then starts to say, "It was pasta-tively...nah, that's even too cheesy for me." He's so shticky, but I'm glad he's at least self-aware about it.

Speaking of AmERICa's Player, his mission this week is to get Jen nominated for eviction. Eric notes how this will be the easiest money he's made since...well, last week, when he was instructed to get Joe out of the house. And, once again, America proves that we really shouldn't be in charge of who stays and who goes on this show, because what good is a TV show without the ditzy, unpredictable, sociopathic narcissist? So we cut to Eric (with Jessica and Jameka) in the yard, selling Dick on the concept of putting up Kail and Jen. I say "selling" because we're led to believe Dick is considering putting up Kail and Zach. Eric's reasoning is decently strong here: 1) If Zach is nominated with Kail, he'll go and she'll stay; 2) Kail and Jen are the only two who openly campaigned against him, so he won't be ruffling any feathers anew; and 3) Keep It Simple, Stupid. Dick thanks Eric for being such a big help to him, strategy-wise. Eric literally looks like a puppy who just got rubbed on his belly. Did Big Brother pick the right obedient lapdog or what?

Big Brother

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