Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!

Neil, 29, is a realtor from Los Angeles, which means I'm willing to lay odds that he's on this show because the taste of fame he once got from two minutes on Flip That House left him hungry for more. Also, he's hoping he's not the only gay guy in the house. Given the theme, that's probably a safe assumption.

Joshuah is 25 and an advertising media buyer from Dallas, Texas. I suspect Clear Channel. Don't get me started, especially if it's 2002.

Ryan, 27, a college student from Columbus, Ohio. There's no shame in being a 27-year-old college student. I was one myself once. But I had another job too. Also: does he know Jen?

Sharon, 23, is a realtor from Olathe, Kansas. But if that doesn't work out, she could always get a gig as a Jen impersonator. Seriously, their resemblance is spooky.

Allison, 28, a drug dealer from Boston. Her official bio says she's a "pharmaceutical sales rep," but that's a lot more typing.

Matt, 23, is a roofing foreman from Charleston, Massachusetts. He looks like his ladder is missing a few rungs, if you catch my meaning.

Adam, a 29-year-old PR guy from Del Ray Beach, Florida. Not a handsome man.

Oh, and they all have these cheesy one-liner self-intros that they recite with line readings so cheesy they'd be kicked off of an MTV dating show. Then there's a quick montage of all the people talking about their romantic hopes, and saying goodbye to their homes and families. Of course, in James's case, that's a parking lot.

Julie puppetmasters the seven female players into place outside the house, and makes them look at each other all Brady Bunch-style on the steps before sending them inside. Squealing commences, and the symbolism of the house's cage full of guinea pigs appears to escape all of them. They explore the house, except for the bedrooms, which are locked. They also notice the romantic quotes from Shakespeare and Dostoevsky on the wall. They start talking, and realize that they're all single. It turns out that Sharon is the one who most recently broke up -- with Jacob, of all people! What a coincidence! She says that they'd been dating for twelve years. Which is odd if not creepy, since they're both twenty-three. Jacob admits that he cheated on her, but they both say they'll have to move on. So we'll see how that goes when they end up in the same house together.

And remember how Jen and Ryan are both from Columbus? Turns out they're a real, live couple, even before going into the house. They've been dating nine months, living together for about seven of those (so far). Only nobody's allowed to know that, for some reason.

Previous 1 2 3 4Next

Big Brother




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP