More interminable peanut-butter-and-jellyaching, and then it's time for the food competition. Those in charge of this fiasco seem to realize that the food competitions have been rather lame, so in order to add craziness and excitement, they have introduced...big pieces of foam! Ho-ho-ho, big pieces of foam are always good for a laugh! You can't not have fun in the presence of big pieces of foam! The idea is that each piece stands for something (like Meat or Vegetables or whatever), and you drop the pieces of foam into a plastic slot until no more will fit. No, really, that's it. That's the whole thing. It's kind of like Plinko for Morons. And if you know how cerebral Plinko is under normal conditions, I'm sure you know what a meaningful distinction that really is. They end up with meat, poultry, seafood, cheese, sweets (including alcohol), condiments, and a "mystery prize." Cardiac surgeons across America make that face where you pull the corners of your mouth down over your teeth and wrinkle up your nose. Later, they will sleep fitfully, imagining Roddy's chipper-coach voice saying, "Tonight for dinner, we're having steak, with a side of chicken, and a salad -- made of cheese, ketchup and tuna!" But the really big news, from a marketing perspective, is that the "mystery prize" turns out to be...delicious product-placed Subway sandwiches! Wouldn't you like one, right now? They get to eat them for lunch all week! And talk about how delicious they are! Eric manages to specifically pimp the ultra-trendy Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, which he informs us is "the bomb." (I'm a Red Wine Vinaigrette girl these days, myself, although I suspect my arteries still contain remnants of the BMTs and Spicy Italians I favored in college.) Jason points out that these delicious Subway sandwiches will provide him and his compatriots with needed bread and vegetables to sustain them during the coming days of hardship. He didn't even mention all the scrumptious nitrates and salt! Those tasty Subway sandwiches sure are nutritious! On the other hand, Josh reveals that he used to work in a Subway, which implants in my brain a permanent image of roast beef covered with honey mustard and body hair, so it's ultimately a wash for the marketing department. I guess they'll have to keep hauling Jared out of the Habitrail in which they store him between campaigns.
Okay, I've seen a lot of weird things on television, but little lately that compares to this. It turns out that Eric talks in his sleep. Not murmuring, and not an occasional "muh" like everyone does. This is full-on talking. It may be clearer than he is when he's awake. Here are some of the things he says: "They put one in the waterbed, but...What? In the ocean?" "My tough toes tingle." "Oh. Oh, really?" "At some point in time, that peanut butter's lined up. There can only be one clump of peanut butter." (God, thank you for not showing us any portion of that dream, CBS.) "Marcellas kissed me on the cheek the other day, you know." "Dang! Nice job, guys! Those guys are like ambidextrous, freaking...Nadia Comaneci, or whatever the hell that...unless these guys are working on the side." (This one makes Lisa laugh.) "Good old ass grab." "Eric, you are a freak show." I'm not sure which of those comments I like best, but I think it's a toss-up between "my tough toes tingle" and "good old ass grab." Interestingly, Eric asleep makes about as much sense as Monica did when she was awake.