Okay, I've seen a lot of weird things on television, but little lately that compares to this. It turns out that Eric talks in his sleep. Not murmuring, and not an occasional "muh" like everyone does. This is full-on talking. It may be clearer than he is when he's awake. Here are some of the things he says: "They put one in the waterbed, but...What? In the ocean?" "My tough toes tingle." "Oh. Oh, really?" "At some point in time, that peanut butter's lined up. There can only be one clump of peanut butter." (God, thank you for not showing us any portion of that dream, CBS.) "Marcellas kissed me on the cheek the other day, you know." "Dang! Nice job, guys! Those guys are like ambidextrous, freaking...Nadia Comaneci, or whatever the hell that...unless these guys are working on the side." (This one makes Lisa laugh.) "Good old ass grab." "Eric, you are a freak show." I'm not sure which of those comments I like best, but I think it's a toss-up between "my tough toes tingle" and "good old ass grab." Interestingly, Eric asleep makes about as much sense as Monica did when she was awake.
And now Gerry, Annoying Quote Guy. It turns out that Gerry has sort of a weird and annoying quality of quoting Shakespeare and other sources, sometimes repeatedly. The editors are out to get Gerry, because this sequence makes him look like quite the buffoon. He mangles a quote, and then another one, and then he uses the same one three times in a row. Josh diary-rooms how bad Gerry is to listen to, and the Audiologists of America verify instantaneously that Josh is the holder of a certificate from their How To Speak In a Lilting, Mellifluous Manner program, so he is quite the authority. Lisa says that Gerry "quotes whatever comes out of his mouth." I run again for that English-Lisa/Lisa-English Dictionary. Gerry says three times that the basis for all humor is cruelty. Shout-out! Then he interrupts during a chat among the women to say, "If a man is alone in the forest and he says something, is he still wrong?" Now, see, the girls don't get this, because he doesn't say it right. (And because it's stupid.) (And because they're stupid.) It's supposed to be more like, "If a man says something in the forest, and there's no one there to hear it, is he still wrong?" I don't have it quite right either, but that's the general idea. Get it? It's the tree joke. Wocka-wocka, Gerry is here all week. Unfortunately.
Music of intrigue, as everyone sits around thinking about strategy. Or possibly about those delicious Subway sandwiches! Josh sits down with Roddy who, damn him, is in jeans and bare feet again, and now he's got a hockey jersey on and he's eating cereal, so I'm so firmly entrenched in that Sunday-afternoon domestic vibe that I've already written him a list of chores. Josh starts in about how Chiara and Lisa went "against the group" by voting Josh out instead of Tonya. Wasn't Tonya in the group also? Who appointed Josh -- as a nominee -- the decisionmaker about which Goober was to be preferred? Anyway, he spews vitriol for a while about the disloyalty of the girls, not noticing that -- hello? -- Chiara is sort of Roddy's girlfriend, for better or worse, and in my experience, badmouthing a guy's girlfriend is not the best way to get him to come around to your way of thinking. Josh diary-rooms that "the girls are in it for themselves" (Josh, of course, is in it for the Make-A-Wish Foundation), and goes on to say that "you don't reward dissenters. You punish them." In short, he tries to convince Roddy to put Lisa and Marcellas on the block and kick Lisa out, and then Chiara will be a good and obedient Goober (and Roddy can continue with the canoodling for a while longer, if you read between the lines). Josh takes deep breaths, recalling the intoxicating scent of the perfume worn by that girl who wouldn't go to the prom with him. If you watch Josh in this scene, he will really unnerve you. He's got a seething thing going on that's really quite creepy. "That's interesting," Roddy says mildly, because it's not good alliance politics to say, "Oh, go twiddle your diddle, you misogynist fool." Furthermore, I am tempted to attribute at least some of Josh's anger toward Lisa to the fact that she's sleeping with Eric instead of with him as he obviously originally planned. In that case, it is interesting to note that although Amy didn't get Roddy and wound up hating Chiara, Josh didn't get Lisa and hates her directly. Write your own five-page paper on the relevant sexual politics here.