Big Brother
Dick Moves

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Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now!
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Dick Moves

We begin the episode by slide-guitaring into the moments right after Dick announced his nominations. He DRs that he (predictably) nominated Jen and Kail because they'd been campaigning against him. Kail is his real target, but Jen's nominated alongside her because he wanted to "spank" her for fucking with him. Hey, Dick? Please don't try to be cute with the spank talk. You are gross. Kail, trying to be brave through her tears in the DR, says that she doesn't want to leave the house and is going to try not to let Dick's smack talk get to her. Back in the post-nomination era, Jen cheerfully says it's obvious that Dick would nominate her, given that Jen had put Dick up against his own daughter. Dick reminds Jen that she isn't his real target. Zach DRs that Kail dug her own grave with her anti-Dick campaign when he was nominated, so he's going to go along with Dick for now. And back in the kitchen, Kail "jokes" with Dustin at the fridge, telling him, "Game plan. I need one. Think about it for me." Dustin laughs politely and then tries to find the house escape hatch.

Outside, apparently moments later, Dick strolls up to where a whole bunch of people (including the nominees) are sitting and reminds the group at large that one of them will be going home, as if one of them's going to be like, "Oh, no shit? I thought I had a four-month lease on this place." Jen half-assedly reminds Dick that she wasn't part of the four-person alliance, but he shuts her down, saying that she went along with their planned ouster of Dick himself. He declares that he's just trying to be honest -- and since he's on a reality show, that means acting like an asshole, though he doesn't say that part. Kail sits quietly while Dick repeats that one of them will go home, and that he feels bad about it. Jen asks why he keeps talking like it's definitely going to be Kail, since it could be Jen: "Everybody hates me -- so I've been told." She laughs. But Dick, of course, has no sense of humour and lectures that he's not playing the game on a personal level: "That was your mistake." Jen realizes that they're in Big Brother: House Of Parliament, and shuts up. Dick smokes and paces and has a face like a scrotum.

Oh, geez. Zach is dared to streak to the pool, and (after some interminable build-up) does indeed streak. He makes them promise that his towel will still be there when he makes it to the pool, which of course means that once he's in the drink, they grab his towel and lock him out of the "house." God, these people must be bored. If these are the highlights?

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Big Brother

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