James is HoH, and he and his friends have a brilliant plan. Are you ready? Okay. It turns out that the most terrifying player is Chicken George. I know! I was surprised, too. James puts up Will along with George, apparently planning to get George out, but not really minding if Will goes either. Meanwhile, the house manages to win enough food for the currently beleaguered to stop eating oatmeal (stubbornly referred to as "slop," even though IT IS OATMEAL, for God's sake), and Will and Kaysar throw down over Botox. Will thinks Botox is good, while Kaysar thinks it's down there with getting "pouches in your breasts." Not that he knows anyone who's done that. At all. At the end of the episode, by the time he's nominated, Will has a horrifying spray-on tan, and George isn't happy at all about being nominated. All he did was clean up after everyone! He just wants to help! Tune in on Tuesday to see who wins the veto, and whether Will continues to stay in the house in spite of himself.
George and Will are on the block, and George wants that veto. When the competition comes around, it involves mostly the willingness to want the veto in this particular week very, very much. And as it turns out, George really wants it. When it gets to head-shaving, only George and a reluctant, grouchy Kaysar are up for it, and they both wind up buzzed down to almost nothing. This breaks Marcellas's heart, because he has developed a huge, fawning crush on Kaysar. It figures. They have all that integrity in common. Anyway, after consenting to a sixty-day diet of slop, George wins the veto, and the discussions begin about whom to nominate in his place. The S6 jackasses settle on Jase, and when they tell him, he absolutely flips out at the thought of being "back-doored." Somehow, he has concluded that this prevents him from playing the game, even though if he had anticipated the possibility, perhaps he would have hung in trying to win the veto himself. Anyway, Jase completely loses his mind, screaming and hollering and ultimately in a smackfest with Marcellas that makes them both look like fools. At the veto ceremony, Will gets the opportunity to advocate for himself, which is pretty much bullshit. But he chooses to make a speech that feints left and goes right, starting off like he's about to confess that he likes everyone, but ultimately saying that...he hates everyone instead. He begs to be sent home and swears that he's going to throw every competition until they do just that. Then he sits down. Jase is, indeed, nominated, so we're in for an eviction on Thursday that will make a lot of people happy, no matter which of the dudes gets it.
Jase has himself in a heap of trouble as he and Will share space on the block. The show does its best to create drama, but Jase has freaked everyone out so much that even Will's "pleas" for eviction aren't enough, and Jase is evicted 9-0. (Ouch.) He concludes that he belongs on a real game like Survivor, which is a pure meritocracy, as you know. In other news, contestants are gaining respect for Chicken George (or at least tolerating him better); Will takes his career as a dermatologist very seriously; Shannon is still mad that Will didn't want to go out partying enough; and Marcellas is glad that Jase is gone, because he created "unnecessary drama." Ha ha ha! No, seriously. When the HoH competition comes around, Janelle wins as a result of everyone else rolling over like the spineless chickens they are, meaning that it will be another week of the same people doing the same things they've been doing for the last three weeks. Unless it gets a shot of adrenaline soon, this season is going to put me into a coma.
What I love about Big Brother is that even on the days when I stare at my walls wondering whether my life has meaning, it is there to make me feel like my existence is a carnival of entertainment, fulfillment, and people with whom I am happy to share my personal supply of precious oxygen. To everyone I meet on a typical day who is not someone from inside the Big Brother house, I just want to say: hats off to you. Way to not be on the bottom of the food chain of humanity. Allow me to clap for you quite sincerely.
You may recall that when we last allowed ourselves to bathe in the glorious light of This Show, Nakomis had just been evicted, and James had become Head of Household. Half the house was eating "slop," also known as "protein-boosted oatmeal," and half the viewers were bored.
We relive the eviction of Nakomis in blue and white. Diane tells us that she is going to "fight and win this game for [Nakomis]," who is now her "best friend." Yes, during those two weeks, including the one in which they were maneuvering behind each other's backs to avoid being tossed out, they became closer than they are to anyone else. I'd hate to be the person back home who's known Diane for, like, twenty years and just lost her spot. Unfortunately, the attempt to create a tense, serious moment out of Nakomis's trek to the door is slightly undermined by the fact that Chicken George is dressed entirely in tin foil and resembles an old-school Salisbury Steak TV dinner. Wearing an orange hat that makes him look like Bob the Builder's deadbeat cousin, Mike tells us in the DR that on the one hand, he liked Nakomis and it's too bad she left, but on the other hand, Diane stayed -- "and she's hot." It's like he delivers the bad touch right through the screen. And...wow, I had almost forgotten how many superfluous exchanges of "cool beans" there were as she was leaving. Nothing like when the half-assed expression of regret meets the half-assed attempt to be hip.
We snap to color. Jase is relaxing on the sofa and trying to look diabolical as everyone else pretends to mourn Nakomis. Will makes an unimpressive effort to "stir the pot" (as he himself says) (that is the first Needs To Die phrase of the season) by prattling on that he can't believe the rest of them voted Nakomis out. I'm not sure what this is supposed to accomplish. If the choice had been, like, Diane versus the Pope, I might understand what he's going for, but this? I'm not sure Nakomis makes a convincing Little Match Girl, or that he's going to convince anyone to feel guilty. Jase sidles up to his karma and kicks it in the back of the knees, saying in the DR that since Nakomis isn't on the jury, he figures that it doesn't matter whether he pretends to be sorry she left. Erika misunderstands the blank look that accompanies Jase everywhere he goes, and she comes over to inquire about whether he's all right. Apparently, she was thinking that maybe he was all broken up about the eviction. Nakomis's picture goes to black and white, and all the color drains out of her hair. Diane tells us in the DR that "hell froze over" and she was able to stay. And of course, she's "ready to play." She'll keep fighting! She'll never qui-- qui-- qui--...oh, sorry. The record was skipping. My copy of Reality-Show Contestant Vows Of Perseverance is really scratched up.
Will now reminds us that there were two votes against Diane, and that one was his vote. We are shown his vote, and he delights in announcing that he's voting to evict Diane. He's not sure who cast the other vote, but we, of course, know that it was Janelle. Speaking of Janelle, she is currently complaining outside on the patio that she now has no one to smoke with. See, Nakomis? Janelle really cared about you. As a person and as an ashtray. Janelle tells us that the rest of her alliance voted with "the herd," but she kept her word to Nakomis. Which, of course, is fairly easy to do when you know that it's not going to make any difference. She's not defying the herd, really, so much as hiding behind it. Will speculates, correctly as it turns out, that it was an S6 person who provided the other vote against Diane, and he wonders whether this minor difference means their alliance is starting to break apart a little. It occurs to me that he would be the happiest spectator at an ugly divorce. He would eat popcorn, I think.