Big Brother
Don't Let The Back Door Hit You

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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First Guy To Throw Stuff Goes Home

Will and Mike head back into a bedroom where Will explains that he wants Mike to just calmly pick up a couple of votes for Will to make sure he stays. That was thrown in, I think, just in case you wondered whether "vote me out" meant "vote me out." Will DRs that his plan is to make people think he wants to go home, and then they'll forget about him. It seems like that should be too simplistic to work, but it totally isn't. Back in the bedroom, he tells Mike that he thinks he took the target off himself. Mike tells us that Will is his best pal, and will stay and fight "like a Chill Town warrior." Complete with sword and...headband?

George and Jase chat on the patio, and George asks Jase whether he really wants to quit. Jase says that he doesn't know, and then DRs that he both wants to stay and wants to leave because of his girlfriend and her daughter. Jase asks George if he can have George's vote should he decide he wants to stay, and George stalls for time by licking his fingers at revolting length. I'm curious as to what he's licking, because...isn't he on slop? George says that he's not sure what to think, because inside, Jase said he didn't want to stay. Of course, so did Will, who's the other choice. George thinks Jase needs a nap, which for some reason strikes me as hysterically funny. George says to us that he's probably better off with Jase in the house than Will. He claims that he and Jase are from the same state and "have an awful lot in common." I have searched my entire database of information about Jase and Chicken George, and I cannot find one thing other than being from the same state -- which I just learned now -- that would suggest they have anything in common. I was going to make a joke here about Jase having a secret affinity for poultry, but I totally grossed myself out. I apologize to the game hens of the world. Jase ultimately decides to lift weights instead of taking a nap. There's something about this entire exchange -- "Take a nap." "Nah, I'll lift weights" -- that sums up this show rather perfectly.

Filler: Mike takes a bath with Erika and Janelle. You heard me. He goes into predictable fits of hornitude over this development. Mike tries to spare a couple of kind words for keeping Will in the house, but he's distracted by his enormous erection, I suspect. Fortunately, information about this is not provided.

Jase and Marcellas have a chat in which Marcellas decides to become Jase's personal Jiminy Cricket, saying that Jase is "making a choice to behave badly." Jase agrees, referring to this as "going out with a bang." Marcellas tells him not to go out in this bad way. Marcellas insists that everyone in the house lives "in constant fear...fear of what you're going to do next!" Jase quite correctly identifies this particular line of argument as total crap. Marcellas tries to give Jase a lecture about how to read the room, which just makes my head want to blow up; it's so...apt and so ridiculous at the same time. It's way beyond a Martian talking to a fungo. Jase gets up and leaves, and they still aren't friends. There's a surprise.

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Big Brother

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