Big Brother
Don't Let The Back Door Hit You

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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First Guy To Throw Stuff Goes Home

Janelle explains to us that Marcellas and Danielle are sort of her friends, but they're not as good of friends as her real friends. So she might invite them to her party, but they are so not getting to see her diary. James adds, apropos of nothing, that he thinks Jase went over to Will and Mike too quickly, so he's thinking that he'd like to be rid of Jase.

Now: Nominations Today. Jase announces that he isn't scared of James. Will receives a generous application of spray-on tan from Erika as he tells us again that he will and should be nominated. There's something about seeing Will actually change colors that seems fitting. James tells us that he holds people's fates in his hands, if he doesn't put their keys in, they'll die, blah blah. There can be only one winner! Hear me now! Mike says that these are the most mysterious nominations yet, but he thinks that being nominated with Will is possible. George says people probably think he's smarter than he looks, but he assures us that he's not. "Big Brother is not a team sport," James assures us. Once again, he just wants you to know that he is the skinniest bad-ass that has ever fallen over during a stiff wind.

Ceremony. James prattles on about consequences, and then we're blissfully ready to go. He starts by declaring Erika safe. She pulls out the key for Danielle. Mike. Kaysar. Janelle. Diane. Jase. Marcellas. And...Howie. So it's George and Will. Something about the nominees being George, who looks like George, and Will, who looks like a navel orange, briefly threatens to turn the game inside-out like an umbrella and cause it to become really, really funny. James says that he nominated Will because Will says he wants to go. Will nods. James says that he nominated George for listening at the door. George tries to mock James for nominating him, but that's probably not a winning strategy. Will tells us that he doesn't mind at all being nominated, and says that if they leave him there, they're idiots. James says he'll remove Will if he has any reason to think Will or Mike is "untrustworthy." Yes, really. George complains about the slinging of mud in his direction, and suggests that James is ultimately going to cook his own goose. Which: probably. Can't get enough poultry metaphors.

Tuesday

If you just got here from starring in Memento, you will appreciate the reminder at the front of this episode telling you that Nakomis had already been evicted before we started the last episode. And then there are credits, and then...I seriously can't believe the way they start the real show with blue-and-white versions of the same things we saw literally fifteen seconds ago in the previouslies. How do they get away with that? One of these days, they're just going to run the same half-hour twice to make up a whole episode. We'll all complain, but they'll spit at us: "What are you going to do about it?" And the answer will be that we will do nothing, because we are fully owned.

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Big Brother

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