Big Brother
Duck, Duck, Dummy

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Self-Destruction, Meet Janelle

What I love about Big Brother is that sometimes, a Survivor or an Amazing Race contestant accomplishes something that makes me feel a little inadequate. I watch this show secure in the knowledge that I will never encounter that problem. Thank you, Big Brother, for never exploring what allows the human spirit to soar. Someone has to stay down here with all us flightless penguins, and I'm honored that it's you.

Sunday

You'll remember that when we last left Biosuck II, Will had attempted to lead the week in accumulation of personal animosity by telling everyone how much he hated them, but he was upstaged by Jase, who flipped his streaky, spiky lid, then tried to chew the top off of Marcellas's head, resulting in his ouster. Janelle won HoH, and she did her hair-tossing dance of joy, flashed her sparkly teeth, and continued to pull the ears off of kittens for fun. (Okay, that's just a rumor that I'm kind of trying to start. A girl needs ambition, you know.)

Jase is unanimously re-evicted 9-0 in blue and white Rehash-O-Vision. The only event of note is that he does a little damage -- either intentionally or inadvertently -- to Danielle and Diane by saying that he wants them to walk him to the door. It's kind of like, "Before I am executed for treason, I just want to give shout-outs to my pals Frank and Pete in the Dallas office of the ATF. They know why. Rock on!" Mike tells us that it's better for Jase to leave than Will, but Mike is sad about the end of his allegiance with Jase, because they have the same "fighting spirit." So apparently, Jase has the kind of fighting spirit that asks other people's fighting spirits to step outside, but then if they say yes, says it won't even bother, because it has an early meeting and this is bullshit, man. Kind of the pansy-ass kind of fighting spirit, is what I'm saying.

Relatively recently bald Kaysar calls Jase's departure "heart-wrenching," meaning that Kaysar's heart brackets are in dire need of tightening. "This was probably the worst eviction yet," he says, in the same way in which he usually says things like that. The hardest week ever, the worst week yet, the hardest eviction of all time. I envision Kaysar out to dinner with friends, rubbing his head and saying, "This is probably the toughest salt shaker I've ever used." And then Kaysar looks somberly at us and says, "He left for strategical purposes." I'm aware that it's officially a word, "strategical," but it's just so ugly. And just as Chicken George's tin-foil suit kind of ruined the mood of last week's pity party for Nakomis, it's a little tough to get choked up in the face of George's "Mr. Fart" shirt. Mr. Fart is a person! With feelings! Not to mention gas.

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Big Brother

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