Big Brother
Duck, Duck, Dummy

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Self-Destruction, Meet Janelle

James basically says the same thing I'm saying in the DR, that it's insane to go after "timid" Diane, instead of Will and Mike, who are running around openly telling everyone that they want to go after S6. "I don't know how these people can be so stupid," James says, folding his hands behind his head and staring despondently at the ceiling. With that, I am ready to induct James into the official Watching This Show In My Living Room Club.

Back in the abomination, James tells Janelle and Kaysar that if they're determined to follow this particular plan because it's best for them, then they should know that in future weeks, he'll be doing what's best for him. And good for him. "I don't know why we're playing with fire for the fourth week in a row," James tells them. Which: exactly.

Later on, James takes Diane aside to have a little chat. He warns her that there are moves being made against her, and tells her that she needs to talk to Janelle and make it clear that she's not a threat. Diane DRs that she has started getting information from James, and that they get along with each other.

Diane goes up to the abomination and lies down on the big pink bed, telling Janelle that she hates being there because she's "not a kiss-ass." All appearances to the contrary, of course, since she has more than obviously put in this appearance to kiss Janelle's ring. Diane tells Janelle that she likes her, adores James, likes Howie, and "admires" Kaysar. Poor Kaysar. It's hard being boring. She also rolls over on her back, exposes her figurative belly, and reminds Janelle that she has no allies, so she doesn't have anyone she can trust and nobody trusts her. Diane says that she doesn't want to go home. Janelle says that she heard from Mike and Will that Diane wanted to put her up. Diane denies it. "They're throwing me under the bus!" she complains. That goddamn bus. It comes by, like, every five minutes this season. If you could just learn the bus schedule so you couldn't get thrown under it while it was coming, you would make it to the final two, unless somebody invented something new, like, "They're throwing me into the tar pit." Because then, you might get thrown into a tar pit.

Diane DRs that she did not enjoy groveling for her life: "It's so retarded." Oh, Diane. "If I don't nominate you, can that be, like, a sign of trust?" Janelle asks Diane in the abomination. Diane agrees. What's she going to say? "No, I'll probably put you up the first chance I get"? Diane promises that she'll "show it back to you" if she's shown trust. And then they hug awkwardly, with the whole thing happening in the arms, which is because they hate each other. Diane DRs that she's not sure whether the trip up there did any good. As she leaves the abomination, Diane tells Janelle she's just sure that outside the house, they're going to be great friends. Janelle agrees. They are both the fakiest fakers that ever faked a fake. And then Diane blows a kiss on the way out. That's what we call milking it, sweetheart. I have to wonder how either of them believed the other one of them would be fooled by that particular scene. It seems like they could have saved a lot of time if Diane had stuck her head in and said, "So." And Janelle had shrugged and said, "Yeah." And Diane had said, "Okay." They'd be exactly where they are now, with less insincere hugging and bed-lounging, and more time for updates on George's farting schedule and Janelle's kitten-ear-pulling.

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Big Brother

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