Big Brother
Exit Lane

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M. Giant: A | Grade It Now!
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Hayden the Player

Montage of Ragan's sabotage "rampage," with the houseguests watching in amazement. Julie gives Ragan a moment to say something in his defense, and he comes up with "Ha, suckers, I got twenty thousand dollars!" And what can they do but clap?

Julie then tells them about the vote for America's favorite houseguest, who will win $25,000. But first, the winner. Except after some ads. So that's not first at all, is it?

Finally, Julie's positioned in front of the key box, preparing to pull the votes. Rachel's vote went to Lane. Kathy voted for Hayden. So did Matt. Brendon also voted for Lane, which means it's a tie, and that's when Julie realizes she's putting the keys in the wrong boxes. Awesome. She switches them back while the audience whoops at her little software glitch. Ragan voted for Hayden, and Britney voted for Lane (neither of which is a surprise), so if Enzo doesn't get to win it, he got to at least cast the deciding vote... for Hayden.

Hayden hugs Lane, and they both have to be told to come out several times before they let go of each other and exit the house. Otherwise they'd probably still be doing it in every bed in the place. Finally Hayden steps out into the studio. Up come the audience members, off go the confetti grenades, and Lane comes out to join the chaos. Then there's a plug to join the next season. Which, maybe a lengthy montage of this seasons' crop of idiots isn't the best way to convince people to want to hang out with more of them. And then Julie announces that America's favorite houseguest is Britney. I know everyone thought it would be Enzo, but I maintain that he's a lot more polarizing and also has the disadvantage of not looking like Betty from Archie comics. While Rachel stares hate-daggers at her, Britney accepts the prize with the joy of a person who doesn't yet know that her house burned down last night (for real). It's going to be a good news-bad news kind of evening for her, I'm thinking.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.

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Big Brother

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