Big Brother

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Dead Last

Julie welcomes us -- and a pretty big live studio audience -- to Big Brother. After previouslies and credits, she tells us it's Day 9, and Brian's on the block with Renny. We'll find out which of them is going tonight. "But first," Julie says, her eyes narrowing, "blindsides cannot happen...without traitors." Thank you, Judgie.

The editors replay last night's veto ceremony, which ended with Brian as Jerry's replacement nominee. Brian claims in the DR to have seen it coming the second Jerry started speaking, and as soon as the meeting breaks up he wants some one-on-one time with the HoH. Once they're alone in Jerry's room, Jerry quickly outs Ollie as the one who turned on Brian, and says he was given an ultimatum; nominate Brian or go home himself. Brian is unimpressed with Jerry's excuses, because Jerry's priority in this situation should have been Brian.

Brian and Dan discuss Ollie's betrayal, and then confront Ollie for breaking his word, like it's Ollie's fault that Brian overplayed his hand so badly and tipped off the women in the first place. Dan self-righteously claims that he never would have gone back on his word, which is easy to say before he's had an opportunity to do so. After Ollie leaves, the remaining members of Brian's alliance -- that being Brian and Dan -- figure that Ollie and April were behind the whole thing. Dan makes a little speech in which he tortures a metaphor about stilettos, and also me. He's not an English teacher, is he?

That night, Ollie and April canoodle in bed, but Ollie DRs that the relationship might end up burning him. April basically DRs, "Yup."

Outside, the three women who busted Brian realize they're going to have to stick together, even as Brian realizes he's going to have to split them up. So Brian turns to Steven for help, thinking that if he can just get five votes, Jerry will tiebreak in his favor. And if I could just get someone to hand me half a million dollars, I'd be that much richer without having to go on Big Brother.

Brian decides to go on a charm offensive by putting on a little puppet show with socks as the houseguests. The funniest part is the line he gives himself: "I made eight thousand alliances in three hours!" The rest of it is pretty inane, although the editors have some fun pixellating the nipular area of the ping-pong ball boobs inside the sock puppet representing April. Afterward, everyone sits around discussing what fun that was and Steven plays his part to the hilt, saying it won't be as much fun without Brian and they should all vote for him to stay. Now that is some exceptional acting right there, making it sound like he's reading from a cue card when there isn't one there. Brian isn't much better, pretending to hide his evil smirk behind a modest one, and he says the only way to pull that off is to bring Memphis over to their side. Which should be easy now that Brian's no longer gunning for Memphis after Memphis committed the crime of not kissing Brian's ass, right?

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Big Brother

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