Big Brother
Fear The Uni-Tard

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Joe R: B | Grade It Now!
Fear The Uni-Tard

America's Player shenanigans. Eric was instructed to sleepwalk into someone's bed. Really. America, being both mischievous, mean, and a smidge homophobic, has chosen Eric to try to snuggle up to Joe. So pretty clearly, Eric's not sure how he's going to be able to accomplish this task without looking like he's a creepy night molester. Suffice it to say: he ends up looking like a creepy night molester. Through some combination of a) Eric's unwillingness to snuggle up against a dude, b) that dude is Joe and thus repellant, c) there's really no way to climb into someone's bed and maintain the illusion of "sleepwalking," and d) this whole enterprise is stupid, Eric ends up failing the mission. Which leads to awkward shower stall conversation the next morning (doesn't it always?) where Joe asks Eric if he's in the habit of sleepwalking and snuggling up at the end of people's beds like a nipple-ringed kitten. Nice waste of an America's Player mission, Big Brother.

Time to pick the players for the veto competition. Jen, Daniele, and Dick are already competing. Jen gets a "houseguest's choice" and immediately chooses Mike, in case you didn't realize that Jen is totally in that alliance's pocket this week. Or is she?? Daniele pulls Joe's name, and Dick pulls Amber. Which is going to be a problem. Much in the way that choosing breakfast cereals is likely a problem for Amber. She's crying in the pantry with Dustin -- and also in her DR session -- because of all the pressure that's now upon her. More pressure's on the way as Jen barges into the pantry and very frankly tells Amber that if she wins the veto and uses it, or even works to prevent Jen or Mike from winning the veto, then Jen will put up Amber or Dustin for eviction. It's the kind of balls-out, tactless gameplay that you can get away with when absolutely no one likes you, and it's kind of fascinating to watch. Usually that kind of threat would be made in the most oblique and passive-aggressive way, and as hateful as she's being, I have to respect Jen at least a little bit. Anyway, so this isn't helping Amber's fragile emotional situation in the slightest, and she falls apart on Dustin's shoulder. Meanwhile, Jen is making the exact same threat to Joe in the room with the circular beds, though Joe has a better way of dealing with it: he tells Jen he has no allies in the house besides himself, so why wouldn't he use the veto if he won it?

Amber goes to Nick, Daniele, and Jameka and tells them what Jen just told her, and Daniele gets pissed. She storms into the kitchen and yells at Jen for making Amber cry, essentially. From here on out it's all a mishmash of passive-aggression and obnoxiousness, but here's the gist: Jen's a total bitch about everything; Daniele tells her to shut her smug face; Dick continues to rag in Jen in every way conceivable, even throwing a "fun nanny" jab in there (seriously, she cares for other people's children -- how scary!); Jen keeps saying "I love it!" like a bratty teenager would; Mike defends Jen, saying she was only being "directive" (mouth closed and back to the weights, sweetie); Joe tells Mike nobody was talking to him so he should butt out; Joe calls out Jen's hypocrisy in making her nominations about "negative energy" and then swooping around the house like a mist of threats and nastiness; Zach makes an offhand comment about Amber being emotional, which acts like the Bat Signal because all of a sudden Jameka swoops in from two miles offscreen to defend Amber as being "empathetic" rather than "emotional." And while I totally respect her standing up for her girl: overruled, Jameka. Zach then snottily tells Jameka that this is the first she's ever spoken to him, which is true, but can you blame Jameka? Watching this show is all about making snap judgments about people based on very thin evidence, and my snap judgments are that I love Jameka and hate Zach, so: shut your cro-mag face, Zach. Joe chides Zach for being unpleasant (ha!). Jen goes to the pantry to apologize to Amber, but Dick follows her in there and rides her some more for being a bitch. I believe the phrase "nobody likes you, so why don't you just leave?" gets used. Its childishness doesn't really diminish its truthfulness.

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