Big Brother
Finale 13

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Hold Your Nose and Vote

After more ads, it's time for the final two to state their cases to the jury. What could they have left to say that they haven't already said? Nothing, in Rachel's case, but she says it all again anyway, talking about how hard she competed and talking about her big game moves and strategic decisions. Heard it. Finally, mercifully, Julie tells her she's done. Porsche stands up and reminds them that they were the ones who voted for her to stay in the first week (well, except Adam). She runs down the numbers and monotones about respect, which she displays by sitting down before Julie has to shut her up.

Time for the jurors to vote, but as they walk up to the big, glowing, freestanding key box one by one, their votes won't be revealed until later. Brendon is first, joking that it's going to be a hard decision and saying he loves Rachel no matter what happens. The audience goes "aw," at least the ones who aren't choking back bile. Daniele tells Porsche she adores her, and tells Rachel, "You're lucky this isn't a personality contest." Yeeowch. But given who Daniele's dad is, she knows that better than anyone. Jeff approaches the key box and says, "I don't have anything cute to say," as cutely as he can possibly manage. Shelly says she's proud of them and loves them both, wishing them both luck before having a little trouble inserting her key in the box. Kalia hums as she approaches the key box and just says, "Pajama pajama," which must be some inside joke that never got any airtime. Jordan tells Rachel she's missed her, but that she and Porsche both "did good." Adam blusters some more about how he would have won if he hadn't thrown his goggles and gotten a chance to play in the final round and gotten to play in the final two and when he comes back for All-Stars he's going to win. Jeez, who put a quarter into this guy? Voting over. Can't we just find out who won now and be done? Please?

Nope. Julie has brought back the first five people who left: Dick, Keith, Cassi, Dominic, and Lawon. The only thing that makes seeing Dick again tolerable is his obvious misery at the impossibility of achieving his trademark slouch while perched on a stool. Julie of course starts with Dick, asking him about his formation of the veterans' alliance in his six days in the house. Dick says it "woulda shoulda coulda been the best alliance that has ever played the game," and then grinningly blames his daughter for blowing it up. Daniele says she disagrees, and she decided early on she didn't want to work with the other veterans, on account of how they were mostly terrible. Julie asks Dick if Daniele's getting rid of Jeff was dumb or smart, and Dick makes like he's too classy to call his daughter dumb to her face when we all know better. He calls it something worse: "Typical," meaning it was playing too hard too fast. Daniele sits there listening to him filibuster, looking more tense and miserable than she did in a whole summer locked up with Rachel, which is saying something.

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Big Brother

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