Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!

The teams head outside, and Big Brother has gone back to the well of the "giant popcorn" them for the competition once again. When the teams are all lined up, Hayden comes dancing out in a tooth-fairy costume. Big Brother is seriously reaching for a dental theme here for some reason. He explains that one at a time, someone on each team will have to crawl through a pool of caramel on their way to the big Dumpster-sized bin of popcorn, where they'll have to find a big fake tooth. Lane DRs that getting food privileges back is life or death for him; "I think one of my pinky toes has just sucked in."

The first runners step up: Brendon on the green team, Monet for pink, and Matt in blue. Crawling through the caramel pool is even more slow going than they suspect, and Brendon's shorts get pulled clean down off his ass. Matt admits in the DR that he's not as tall or athletic as the others, but "what they don't have on me is that I'm totally super awesome." Sure enough, he's the first to return with a tooth, so blue is in the lead. Kathy goes in after him while Brendon and Monet are still digging, and Brendon makes it back without ever managing to get his shorts pulled up. Monet makes it through in third. Annie on the green team steals the lead from the blue team, losing a shoe on the caramel pool in the process. Kathy's pretty slow in the popcorn, but Britney's even slower in the caramel. This continues roughly forever. Rachel does demonstrate some knowledge of physics, explaining that they way to get through the caramel is to minimize your contact with it. Indeed, we see her zooming over the pool past a bogged-down Britney. Kathy gets completely stuck on her second round, and on his second time through, Enzo on the pink team stashes an extra tooth for his teammate Britney to grab on her way in. Even so, green comes in first, which leaves it down to pink and blue. To bad for blue that Kathy appears to have checked into the world's largest Roach Motel. To add injury to insult, Britney kicks her in the head on the way out. Kathy's still there when Lane finds the eighth tooth for the pink team, meaning the blue team (Kathy, Ragan, Matt, and Rachel) will be the have-nots for this week. Now Matt suspects Kathy of being the saboteur, because it's all about Matt. The competition over, Hayden brandishes the bolt cutters that will get them past the padlock to the storage room. Damn, I was hoping that lock would stay there all summer.

After getting hosed down in the yard, everyone comes in to check out the have-not room. You may recall that last season it was a Spartan white cube, but at least it looked clean. Which, unfortunately for every have-not of this entire season, is no longer the case. Now it's decorated like the set of a gross challenge on Fear Factor. There are jars of smelly maggots, and dirty chaises longue instead of beds. I think I need a tetanus shot just looking at it.

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Big Brother




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