Big Brother
Free Willie

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Hantz Down

Time-wasting filler of the newbies in the back yard talking about elbows. Something appears to be blossoming between Danielle and Shane. "If something happens, it'll be because it's real," Danielle DRs. And then the producers will crap on it.

A mopey Britney sits with Dan and Mike to talk about the game... namely the ability this week for the winner of the coaches' contest to trade one of their players. Mike is trying to convince Britney that everyone's after Willie now, but soon people will be looking at Shane as a target, being fit and popular and all. Britney isn't dumb enough to buy what he's selling, though, as much as Mike thinks she is.

For more time-wasting filler, Dan and Janelle talk in the kitchen about their families back home, and how now they understand all the people they've watched in past seasons who complain about missing their families, now that they're missing their own. I would miss my family, too. Which is Reason Number One that I'M NOT THERE.

Mike has a private coaching session with Ian, basically telling him, as politely as he can manage, not to be such a goddamn weirdo. It seems like Ian gets it, until he floats the idea of a "slop date" with Ashley. Mike is actually dumbstruck for a moment at the enormity of Ian's failure to get it. Mike figures Ian's doomed to get shot down, but later, the two of them are hanging outside with Dan, who goes to fetch Ashley so Ian can ask her... well, not out, exactly, since it's not like they can go anywhere. Ashley's up for it, not least of all because she's blindsided, but also because she digs nerdy guys. Can't do much better than Ian, then. That evening, the two of them get dressed up, and Britney shows them to the arcade room like an underdressed maitre'd or something. And from there it gets awkward, not that either of them seems to realize it. Ian thinks a showmance will help him in the game. But does he have enough game to launch a showmance?

The next day, JoJo and Shane are talking to Britney about cutting Willie loose. Britney hears them, and promises to do what she can to keep the two of them in the game.

Frank's in some kind of cheesy hip-hop outfit as he says it's time for the coaches' competition. He leads them all outside to a backyard that's been made up to look like an eerily clean vacant lot. "The '90s hip-hop reference is kind of lost on me," Ian says. "I was about five at the time." Shut up, punk. Frank calls the coaches out, and they all side-shuffle into view wearing Hammer pants and vests. "I don't know if I'm supposed to be a genie or a waiter," DRs Britney, who is also a little young for the '90s hip-hop references, it seems.

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Big Brother




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