Big Brother
Giving The Devil His Due

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At Long Last, Shove

After Marcellas stages a highly melodramatic and uncharacteristically unfunny spectacle in which he refuses to leave the Big Bed Room unless they drag him out kicking and screaming, the room is put out of its misery at last. So long, Big Bed Room.

Marcellas brings everyone out into the living room to discuss the food competition. As usual, the food competition involves swimsuits. This week, their task is to find seven medallions, each representing a day of the week, in order to get food. Turns out the medallions are hidden in the recently closed Big Bed Room. Wow, I've had obnoxious waiters who, when banished, stayed away longer than the Big Bed Room. But don't cringe yet! The medallions are hidden inside...cream pies! Whoo-ee! Cream pies are some serious comedy. Besides, wit is exhausting. As you can imagine, wackiness ensues. Medallions are found. Pies are destroyed. Everyone gets all messy. They find all seven medallions. And then, guess what! Roddy, who has seen a television show before and therefore knows what's supposed to happen next, starts a pie fight.

Yes, a pie fight. Take note of your location, because you are sitting on the bottom. Of. The barrel. The comedy well has run dry, the creative juices have stopped flowing -- it is the winter of our discontent. Or the summer of our discontent. Whichever. It's a damn pie fight, is my point.

Now, the big drama begins when Amy discovers that she is missing her diamond ring, which she got from her grandmother, and which she's had since she was seven years old. Oops. Marcellas's reaction is to be annoyed, of course, and to condemn Amy in the DR for how crazy she's making him. Back in the pie room, Amy pleads for help. Apparently, she does generally remember to take her rings off in the pool when she goes to play polo, but on this occasion, she forgot. After quite a bit of footage of houseguests crawling around on their hands and knees, Danielle comes up with the ring. Amy refers to this in the DR as "literally finding a needle in a haystack," by which she means, "figuratively finding a needle in a haystack." With the ring found, the houseguests head outside to get washed off, and when she gets pelted by the shower, she loses the ring again. Okay, now it's okay to be annoyed. At least a little. I suspect what happened is that she was all greasy from the pie, which made the ring more likely to slip off in the shower, but still -- drop it on the table or something, girl. I have a ring that's too big for me these days, and I'm always very aware of hanging onto it if I'm doing anything that could knock it off my hand. And I'm horrible about that kind of thing, so if I can do it? You can do it. Anyway, Marcellas is doing his had-it-up-to-here routine, which is completely justified, because he has no annoying habits at all. If, by "no," you mean "lots of."

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Big Brother

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