And then, it's Mike's birthday. Of course, slop-eating folks cannot participate, but the rest of the houseguests get sushi and champagne and cake and so forth. Mike's favorite part is that Erika has written "Happy Birthday" in whipped cream on her thigh, which is the best thing that's ever happened to him, in a "it seems like it should be" kind of way. He also kind of enjoys the part where the S6 alliance, for the most part, can't eat any. Will tells us that Howie wanted the sushi bad, and was suffering over being stuck with slop. And Will would know, because he's seen Howie express lust before. Howie complains that those eating party food were "rubbing it in Jedi Howie's face." (Better than referring to yourself in the third person? Referring to yourself by your Jedi name.) Marcellas, of course, bitches that the people eating were mean because he can almost always find a way in which it turns out that he's better than everyone. He and Janelle agree that they would have turned down the party if it had been given to them, because they wouldn't have wanted other people not to get anything. Which is SUCH bullshit, but you know that.
Janelle talks to Kaysar and Marcellas, and she whines that Mike and Will weren't nominated. Marcellas advocates for Erika using the veto so that one of them can go up, and "the house as a whole" can remove whichever one it is. Marcellas always did love that "the house should move as one against the people who don't particularly like me" theory. He has a sort of United Nations approach to how the house should act, but he always envisions himself as the United States, sort of paying his dues as much as he wants to and coercing others into beating up his enemies. Kaysar isn't crazy about the idea. When James comes in, he says that everybody is out in the hot tub complaining about S6. Nakomis and Diane are upset, because there isn't anything anybody can do until they get them not to be HoH anymore. Diane, ready for another crying fit, gets up and walks away. She tells us in the DR that being in the house is like being with Charles Manson, which...I do not agree with. I think Charles Manson would be kind of hurt by that, too. (That is a sentence I did not anticipate writing this week.)
Kaysar is brought down to the hot tub, mostly at Will's urging. When he gets there, Will tells him that they're all sitting around trying to figure out what to do because they all like Diane and Nakomis and they don't know which one of them to send home. Everyone knows that this is bullshit, but nobody knows what Will is really doing. Kaysar makes a big speech that it's obvious they would never all agree on another person who could go home. "If you're going to imply that someone else should go up," Kaysar says to Will, "then, let's hear it." Kaysar waits a respectable few seconds until no one says anything, and then he chuckles condescendingly, all, "I told you so," and he stands up to leave. This, of course, is Will's cue to volunteer to be put himself up. "I'm serious," he says. "I'm totally cool with it." Kaysar tells Will to stop playing: "I know what you're trying to do." Yes, Kaysar, that's quite brilliant. He's trying to get you to think he wants to go home. Which means either he really wants to go home, in which case the right thing to do is send him home; or he doesn't really want to go home, in which case by not sending him home, he's doing exactly what he's trying to do, which is...not go home. Idiot. Will DRs that his goal here was basically to rally other people against S6, as well as to create dissension within S6, which he very effectively has already done, as you may have noticed. "I didn't get played; I put him in his place," Kaysar proudly tells Janelle, James, and Howie, despite the fact that Kaysar just got played about as much as you can get played. He is just not very bright. Marcellas sees this immediately and is basically like, "You are the biggest moron ever," although he tries to use different words in telling Kaysar that, indeed, he should be trying to get Mike or Will out. "He threw down the gauntlet!" says an indignant Marcellas. And that's why if it were Marcellas, Will probably wouldn't have made that offer. But he was reasonably sure Kaysar wouldn't actually put him up, because it's important to Kaysar not to feel like he did what someone else was trying to get him to do. Will gambled, and he happened to be right, which is how he won the first time, just for the record.