Big Brother
Goodnight, (Daughter Of The) Moon

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Six Fingers, And None Of Them Worked

Nakomis and Diane talk about whether they're worried. They agree that they'll keep each other informed. Diane says that she and Nakomis are aligned and trust each other. She also tells Nakomis that all the celebrating by S6 was very stupid, and Nakomis says reassuringly that she doesn't think Kaysar sees either of them as threats.

The Howie-Will business continues as Howie dogs Will for being pale. Will confidently informs us that "pale is the new tan," because of the way it protects your skin and doesn't make you die. He says that being a tan dermatologist would be "hypocritical." Howie goes for a DR joke about Will winning a pale-guy competition, but it...just isn't going to land for him. He's in "I called the jerk store and they're all out of you" territory. He does better with a comment directly to Will that he looks like E.T. looked when he was dying. Now that is a little bit funny. Skinnier, whiter...that claim's not entirely without foundation. Will looks incredibly bedraggled in a DR in which he complains that Howie is only entertaining for five minutes and "should change his name to One-Trick Pony." Howie puts a slice of bread up against Will and claims that you can't see it. Ha. Ha. Ha. Will ignores him, but says in the DR that while two brain cells is usually adequate for most people to function, Howie's two brain cells eventually "start arguing with each other." I've known people like that, unfortunately. One too many brain cells is as bad as one too few. There is more back and forth about pale this, and forehead wrinkles that, and neither of them is getting any particularly good lines in at this point. Things get a little edgier as Will tells Howie that everyone knows he doesn't deserve to be in the game, and an exasperated James says that this is becoming "ugly," and they should go back to just screwing around. He's like that one girl at the party who's always like, "You guuuuys, stop fiiighting!" Will says Howie is apparently getting nervous. "If Howie and I got into a battle of wits, it wouldn't even be fair, because he's unarmed," says Will in the DR, using a joke I think I first heard sometime around the end of Prohibition.

Will has a chat with Mike and Jase. He tells them that they should all offer Kaysar a three-week deal, in which Kaysar would be safe for three weeks, but he'd have to put up what Will calls "floaters." The editing suggests that "floaters" for the purposes of this discussion are George, Erika, and Marcellas. Howie walks up at this point, and Jase scampers off (real convincing!), saying in a voiceover that he's not interested in looking like he's with Mike and Will, really. He doesn't want to be with anyone "hard-core," and that's his "gig right now." You know, I think Erika would agree with me that that's actually a breakup speech guys have used. "I don't want to be with anyone hard-core, baby, that's just my gig right now." To cover himself, Jase runs inside and tells Janelle that the guys in the tub are plotting to make a deal with Kaysar. Janelle interviews that she's pretty sure Jase is with her. Janelle needs to take it out of neutral. Jase keeps running back and forth from one group to another, but Will is enjoying him so much that he suggests that he and Mike are thinking of giving Jase a "Chill Town Cool Kid Club Card." I'm thinking that comes with...absolutely no benefits at all, actually, and very hefty dues. And then Will winks, and the editors add a "ding." It's hard to remember that there actually isn't a "ding" when Will winks, because it kind of feels like there should be. Boy's got a nice wink, I will say that much, and I'm usually anti-wink, to a pathological degree.

Back from commercials, it's time for the first food competition. Will explains to us that there are two teams, which wound up with the S6 people on one side and, as Will puts it, the "cool kids" on the other. What's great is that for Will's purposes, George is a "cool kid." They are all sent into the food room to get pairs of overalls. Janelle says the outfit isn't "Janey-like." Not enough glitter, probably. Marcellas says that Jase looks ready for a porn movie in his overalls. That is not a porn movie I would enjoy, because of Jase or the pastoral setting. Outside, we learn that it's a faked-up barnyard, complete with troughs, fences, corn, and twangy music. Because in case you didn't know, farm people are absolutely hilarious. As Kaysar explains to everyone in his uniquely uninteresting way, there is no more peanut butter and jelly this season. Instead, the punishment food will be what they refer to as "slop." What "slop" is, incidentally, is oatmeal. They all act completely flummoxed, as if they've never seen this before, but...it's oatmeal. It looks exactly like oatmeal. It's not exciting, but there are plenty of people in the world who would be happy to have it. As for the competition, everyone will work in pairs, tied together and not allowed to use their hands. They will search through the slop with their mouths for submerged rubber rats. Each group of three teams of two (Will/Erika-Mike/Diane-George/Jase vs. Janelle-Marcellas/Howie-Danielle-James/Nakomis) has to retrieve twelve rats, and the first group -- half the house -- will get food for the week. So we're bobbing for rats in oatmeal, essentially. Predictably, Danielle is already complaining about the slop, because complaining about the conditions is what she does.

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