Big Brother
Have You No Decency?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: D | Grade It Now!
Poetic Justice's Evil Twin

A joke for you: There's a dairy farmer, and he really needs to improve the milk output of his herd. He brings in a series of experts. He starts with a biologist, who suggests a way of breeding future cows to improve their production by 25%. He makes a note of this suggestion. He brings in a chemist, who proposes a new supplement that could be fed to the cows to improve their production by 50%. He makes a note of this. He brings in an economist, who explains how he could change his business practices to make 75% more money with the milk he already has. He makes a note. Finally, he brings in a physicist who claims that he can get the farmer six times the production from each animal that he's currently getting. The farmer is ecstatic. "Tell me, tell me!" The physicist, pulling out a pencil, says to the farmer, "All right. Now, assume a spherical cow."

Julie reminds Erika and Mike that one of them is about to win a boatload of money, and then she informs the jury that Janelle is going to win the $25,000 Rupert Prize. Well...someone is. We're not saying it's Janelle. Hey, at least this time it's not as much as the winner gets.

Back from commercials, it's time for Julie to announce the votes. The short version is that Marcellas voted for Erika, and everyone else decided that of these two people, they'd rather hand the money to Mike. Mike, who played a brilliant game by making Erika believe he cared about her when he didn't; Mike, who slept with her and then mocked her for sleeping with him; Mike, who wanted to throw piss on Janelle; Mike, who couldn't tie his shoes without Will. This is your winner, because it wouldn't be right to give the money to someone who wasn't "the best player." Or maybe she's actually a "phenomenal player," but there's just something about her. Something that's personally disgusting. It's hard to put your finger on it, but she's disgusting. It's one of those two.

Mike comes out of the house and hugs everyone in celebration; Erika follows, and the attempt to show her up still is not over, as everyone initially gives her the cold shoulder and makes her stand there with no one even giving acknowledging her existence until Marcellas, bless his self-righteous heart, comes over and hugs and kisses her. Mike is last seen in the enthusiastic embrace of his apparently unconcerned mother. Congratulations, Mom. You must be all kinds of proud.

We come back to the incredibly anticlimactic moment in which we learn that now that we have adequately humiliated the whore, we will reward the Madonna with the Rupert Prize of $25,000. Congratulations, Janelle! Asked what he's going to do with the money, Mike says that he's going to buy stuff for people and reinvest in his restaurants. Congratulated by Julie, Erika says she's just glad it's over. Me too, sister. Me too.

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Big Brother




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