Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
A Fistful of Weenies

Michele pays a visit to Jessie and Natalie in the HoH room, and clumsily says he can count on her. Jessie and Natalie aren't buying it for a minute, and they both seem aware that the only benefit they'll be able to derive from this conversation is to make Michele squirm awkwardly when they question her, which they exploit to the fullest. She was really better off just not interacting with anyone.

Let's check in with the have-nots, shall we? Well, this week, they consist, in their entirety, of Jordan. Chima's decision to put the Popular clique in there last week is looking smarter. Not that looking smarter than Jordan is all that difficult.

Jessie calls everyone together to tell them about this week's Have/Have-Not competition, which he does in an obnoxious fake hillbilly accent. We learn that only one person from each clique will be playing this week. Chima's playing for the Brains, and Kevin for Offbeat. Of course, Jordan's the only member of the increasingly misnamed Popular clique left, and the Athletes, being represented in the HoH room, get to sit this one out.

Out back, the yard has been decorated with a NASCAR theme. The goal is to drive these little carts around a race course, collect giant ice cubes from where they're hanging overhead, and then drop them into other teams' barrels. The clique with the most at the end is the Have-nots for the week. The added challenge is that they will be wearing "beer goggles," which are like safety goggles with really shitty optics. It's a surprisingly realistic simulation.

When the game starts, Kevin and Chima seem to be teaming up against Jordan, because it's safer to piss off only one other person. Jordan, oddly enough, seems to be right there with them, having quickly mastered the art of getting cubes in her own goal. After a few minutes, Big Brother ups the difficulty by spewing fake beer-foam over the course. Kevin DRs that he's actually going after the Brains so he can put Ronnie on slop.

When the results are totaled up, the Offbeats have 12, while Popular has only 11, which means Jordan is happy to be a Have. And the Brains have 13, which make this their second week of being the Have-Nots. Then they go inside and learn that America voted for them to have cabbage and cocktail weenies in addition to slop. Ronnie and Michele love the weenies, but Chima doesn't agree. "America, you suck," she DRs. And then she laughs. Let's hope she never plans to run for office or be nominated to a high court.

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Big Brother




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