Rachel shows off her HoH room: "The time when I have to act like I care about things that I don't care about," Matt DRs. Britney's even better: "I really just kind of wanted to shoot myself in the face but I thought whatever, I will follow her flopping butt-cheeks all the way upstairs." I may soon be forced to admit that she's kind of funny. Rachel's obnoxiously thrilled especially with a little bottle of tequila she got. Britney: HATE.

Lane and Hayden agree that Brendon is the real HoH, and Hayden says he "might have to make some moves this week." You think?

Kristen finally gets a little screentime, as she and Hayden compare birthmarks. He's quite smitten, but he doesn't know what's up with her. He's used to just smiling at the ladies and they come oozing up, but Kristen's proving a tougher nut to crack. They hang out together outside, and Hayden flirts with her using such sweet nothings as, "Why are you so weird?" She admits she has a shield, which makes me wonder how she ever got cast in the first place. She says she doesn't like cocky guys, and he says, "there's a fine line between confident and cocky," which means he's cocky. And to prove it, he says they need to avoid looking like a showmance. Okay then.

Monet and Britney watch Andrew's dorky workout, whispering about how gross he is. Britney DRs that Monet's the only person in the house she can stand. They sit and shit-talk everyone else in the back yard. And it looks like Britney's reserving her A-game for the DR, if you know what I mean.

Hayden has a talk with Rachel, hoping to protect himself, the Brigade, and "the hottie Kristen." That's a pretty lengthy agenda. Rachel actually thinks Hayden "saved" her, and asks Hayden who would put him up, like she needs to worry about that. Hayden names Britney, and admits that he's attracted to Kristen. Rachel proposes a double-showmance alliance of herself, Brendon, Hayden, and Kristen, and Hayden's like, "That wouldn't be good." Smooth. Good talk.

Matt approaches Rachel, claiming to be paranoid about being a target, which is a shtick he's trying. They talk about Andrew's reaction to Rachel's HoH win, but Matt takes it too far, claiming that people have been saying Andrew is in control. Well, Rachel wasn't thinking about nominating Matt before, but she sure is now. Aces, Matt. Brendon and Rachel canoodle in the HoH room and discuss Matt, about whom Brendon says anyone who acts that paranoid usually has something to hide. Well played, Matt. Keeping those Mensa dues up to date, are you?