Saturday. According to the Los Angeles Times, tonight's episode of Big Brother airs at 12:35 AM. And so I go out and then I come home, and it's around 11, and I go and wash my face and put on my jammies, and pluck my eyebrows, and brush my teeth and go to set the VCR before I go to bed and I flip over to CBS and it's, like, 11:40 PM and the show is already on! It's in progress! It's on! What the hell? Way to treat the audience, CBS. Thank God, I don't think I missed too much. Nothing that I can't fill in, anyway. You know, "last week on Big Brother," "it's just a game," "Nicole yada yada, Will, blee blee blah." The usual.
So, anyway, when I turn on the television set, Nicole is saying that if the Head of Household doesn't have a private room, his or her toothbrush may be used on the toilet. I think she's in the midst of the weekly "who do you think I ought to nominate" Parade of Pretending to Listen to Other People. Nicole informs Krusta that Krusta and Monica are collectively Nicole's biggest threat. Krusta tells Nicole that Krusta won't be mad if Nicole nominates her.
In the Big Blue Chair of Nicole Is My Idol, Nicole says it has "come to her attention" that Krusta is a big old double-crossing biznatch. More or less.
Then, Nicole tells Krusta that she and Hardly and Will made this secret pact to "push Krusta to the top," without telling her, because "it's none of [Krusta's] business." But, Nicole points out, the success of this pact depends on their booting Monica. Krusta sniffles. She can't understand why anyone would want her to win. Nicole points out that Krusta needs the money way more than anyone else in the house does, which is probably quite true. "[Monica] is my friend, Nicole," Krusta sobs. "I know, [Krusta]," Nicole begins. "Did you come in here to win $500,000?" she asks. Krusta sniffs that she did. "Then you need to buck the fuck up," Nicole says. "You're a bitch," Krusta sniffs. "I'm sorry," Nicole lies.
In the Big Blue Chair of I Bow Down Before Nicole's Mastery of the Game, Nicole says that she "was as honest as [she] could be, which was about 90\%, and that's pretty good."
Next, Nicole goes to talk to Monica, who admits that she would think about putting Nicole up for nomination if the tables were turned. Then she says some stuff I don't understand. I think it's something about not believing that Nicole has any loyalty to her? I don't know. Nicole informs Monica that Monica and Krusta have "the power of two." Isn't that from Charmed? Anyway, Monica sniffs that she isn't a threat to win the game because she's black. "A black girl is not going win. That's it. I'm not surprised. That's how I feel about it," Monica spits. Nicole's all, okaaaaay.