Filler time: a little featurette entitled When Will Met Nicole. This is cute, I guess, but we know this story -- having, you know, watched the show. It goes something like this: hate, hate, grudging respect, evil love. The highlights of this particular spate of filler are, of course, the Willisms: "Every girl I know is a girlfriend of mine" is my favorite, although "Nicole and I don't have that much in common, but one thing we do have in common is that we're both attracted to me" runs a close second. I can't help it. I love that cocky bastard. Post-featurette, the Dastardly Duo lolls on the bed in the Bat Cave, make fun of "it's on!" and chat about Krusta. The puppetmaster music swells affectingly in the background. I wipe a tear of happiness from my eye. Later, Will sprawls in the Diary Room and points out that he hopes Nicole trusts him, but if she does, she shouldn't, because he tried to evict her once, and he's going to try to do it again at some point. Genius! Evil, evil, genius. I do, however, think that Nicole is far too smart to trust Will entirely.
Filler, part the second. Luxury competition. Not going to cover it. Suffice to say, Will's and Bunky's mastery of trivia allows them three minutes of time in the Diary Room to read newspapers. Man, forty-eight days without reading material. I would be about ready to kill someone for an Entertainment Weekly. As Will and Bunky skip into the Diary Room, Krusta asks them to check the police blotter for news about her friends. I did not make that up.
Later, Will comes running outside, grinning wildly. He races past Bunky. "Can you and I be in an alliance, Bunky? I'm 100% serious and everyone can know about it!" Bunky laughs and agrees. "Will and I have a non-secret alliance called Sweet Nasty," he says in the Diary Room. "I'm the sweet, and he's the nasty. I think that's pretty clear." In his own turn in the Big Blue Chair, Will says that his two favorite alliances are those he has with Krusta and Nicole, but he admits that he doesn't trust either of him. Also, he's about to screw one of them over entirely. "Maybe I trust Bunky the most. Is that possible?" Will wonders.
Filler, part the third. The producers devote thirty-five minutes to Bunky's weight loss. Yes, Bunky has lost weight. Good for him. Let's move on.
Night Vision Krusta and It'sOnica. I have no clue what they're talking about because (a) they're whispering, (b) we joined their conversation in progress, and (c) it's Krusta and It'sOnica. Oh, they're talking about UT. It'sOnica is saying that she thought UT was just about making sure "three positive people" got to the end, "Whoever won, won -- it didn't matter," It'sOnica says. "Bottom line, we were crossed," Krusta says. "It changed. Homegirl threw that out." Who is "homegirl"? Are the two of them having completely unrelated conversations? Whatever. They keep yammering, and then It'sOnica fully rips off her bandana/wig combo. I told you she was Kimberly! Ah, remember that episode of Melrose Place when Kimberly ripped off her wig? Seriously, everyone I know who ever watched Melrose Place agrees that was the highlight of the show. When I saw it, I was in college, and we all used to watch the show together, and we were taping it for someone that night, and Kimberly ripped off her wig, and the show ended, like, right at that moment, and everyone in the room simultaneously said, "Rewind that." And we watched it again. Good times, people. Good times. What? Oh, right. These two chuckleheads. I think they're mad at Hardly, or something.