Big Brother
Jessi-Cop Out

Episode Report Card
Joe R: D+ | Grade It Now!
Jessi-Cop Out

The Ballad Of Dick And Daniele. Same shit as before: it's hard out here for an emotionally estranged daughter and her violently abusive dad. Dick keeps on telling her, at random and repeated intervals, to take her vitamins, because he saw on a TV commercial one time that that's what real parents do. Daniele bitches to Zach, who commiserates and acknowledges that her dad is, indeed, a royal fuckwad. My personal theory, and you're free to test it out as you see fit, is that Zach just might hate Dick more than anyone else in the house does. He's not overt about it at all, but it's there in every DR he has about Dick, every private conversation with Daniele, even his interactions with Dick himself; just this quiet, but very real, and very deep loathing of the man. I will freely admit that I will happily resort to reading wild and random subtext into this show in order to keep it interesting for these last few weeks, but this one I think is genuine.

So anyway, Dick and Daniele have another argument which boils down to the fact that Daniele never wanted to hash this stuff out with her dad on national television, if at all, and while she tends to forget about that stuff when her back's against the wall in the game, at times of rest like these, she remembers how much she doesn't want to be publicly associated with him. Dick repeatedly tries to win points off his daughter by saying that she's never accepted any responsibility for their estrangement, and he's always been there for her, and it was always her leaving him. Daniele's kind of torn between wanting to set the record straight -- he was not always there for her -- and not talking about any of this at all, and ultimately she decides that the happy medium in this situation is whining. Jess and Eric, from the HOH bed, eavesdrop and conclude that the argument has been trumped up for strategic purposes, though that's not elaborated upon and seems unlikely.

Jameka stops by the HOH to talk strategy with Jess. Jess notes that there are some definite threats left in the game (...but she won't be nominating any of them SPOILER). Jessica talks about whether she should put of Dick and/or Daniele, saying they are both huge threats and it would be nice to get rid of one of them. Wouldn't it, though, Jessica? Wouldn't it?

Luxury competition. It's their first one of the season, so everyone screams obnoxiously. Of course, this season, "luxury" could be interpreted as "not getting screamed at about getting raped in my asshole until I bleed" so I suppose the exuberance could be warranted. Jessica divides the teams into Boys vs. Girls (of...course) and then they get dressed up into their little outfits. Eric DRs that they looked like they were part of some big-time laundromat operation, though I think "extras in a Devo video" is more apt. Anyway, the backyard is filled with oversized faucets and tons of soapy foam, and the objective is to strip out of their clothes, turn them inside-out to reveal letters, and spell out words having to do with the game. Winning team gets a shopping spree. The girls are none too pleased about the getting naked aspects of the competition, but everyone seems to throw themselves into the game without much fuss. Dick wants to make sure we know that he doesn't think the naked girls are worth looking at anyway, especially gross disgusting Amber. I suppose it's easy to throw stones when you're Dick and your face, torso, and genitals all look similar enough that your naked body appears to be one giant homogenous mass of leathery, wrinkled flesh. Eric, for his part, assures us that none of the guys were checking out each other's packages. And, again, easy to say when it's Zach and Dick. The idea of Nick and Mike sitting at home while Homely, Sack-Face, and Runt strip down to their altogether is almost perverse. Like that Simpsons where the fire-fighters stood around looking useless while the Sea Captain and Moe and Milhouse's dad stunk up the bachelors auction. Long story short: the girls smoke the guys and win themselves a shopping spree, which is the usual "pile as many clothes on your person as possible in a minute" affair. Daniele tries her very best in the DR to make us hate her by saying that she got a lot more clothes than the other girls and she doesn't even feel bad about it. She and Jessica both independently arrive at the same hackneyed "I'm just a girl and shopping's the only thing I'm good at, so it paid off" line for their DR sessions, which is depressing. Daniele could have at least gone for the "my dad never bought me any clothes as a child" weepy gratitude angle, just to switch things up, but alas.

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