Big Brother
Keep it Classy

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Triple Threat

So Britney rushes back to the HoH room to whine to Dan, Shane, and Danielle about how she feels shitty lying to Janelle. "And someone's gonna have to remind me why we're voting out Janelle again?" Well, exactly. You're voting her out because Mike Fucking Malin convinced you Mos Eisley stormtroopers that it was a good idea. "This is not the evictee you're looking for. Move along." They remind her that Janelle is... kind of mean. Britney doesn't seem convinced, even enough to avoid crying about it in the DR.

Back in the studio, Julie says we'll be checking in with Ian and Ashley's families for their take on the "real-life Big Bang twosome." Just when Julie stops irritating me every time she opens her mouth, she busts out a line like that.

One ad break later, Julie conducts the group Chenterview, starting by teasing Frank in his spiritard and making him do a lame cheer on live TV. Julie asks Mike if he's gotten over his crabby mood about being dropped into the game, and indeed he is. I suppose getting a bunch of losers (and Dan) to carry out his petty second-grade vendetta against a woman who wouldn't give him the time of day in the real world can do that. Julie turns to Jenn (I know, she's still there!) to ask what it's like to be competing against the coaches. Jenn makes like she isn't frozen in panic at the very prospect, and then there's a clip package of Ian's humiliating day as a dog in the house. Some of the houseguests actually look a little uncomfortable watching it. Ian tells Julie he's loving the whole experience, including the penalty costume.

Speaking of Ian, Julie shuts off the viewscreen and tells us that Ian and Ashley actually grew up thirty minutes apart. Which is funny, because they're so much closer now. But then there's a little clip package in which it appears that Ian and Ashley's flirtation isn't always completely one-sided. We cut to Ian's house in Pittsburgh, where a viewing party -- including Ian's mom -- watches clips of the show like Ian running around the house with nothing on but Joe's cowboy hat. Mom tells us Ian could read at two, knew all the moons in the solar system and all the flags in the world, and was obsessed with Big Brother by age ten. Tragic -- so much promise early on. Mom goes on that Ian's intelligence could be a liability in the house, as we see clips of him rattling off the Periodic Table, doing calculus in his head, and talking astrophysics to his housemates.

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Big Brother




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